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Strange piece this one. Not sure I get the point of it but I guess it's kind of funny though. Not sure why their ages are so vague and a lot of past tense writing too.
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All I could think of with the dream sequence of the character wearing a tuxedo with cane is Jim Carrey's character in Dumb & Dumber. Maybe you could expand on the two main characters a little more. Story has some promise. Best of luck.
Strangely, I want to read it again. I couldn't understand it - I think it's one of those pieces you read and think there's a deeper meaning to it you can't catch. You read it again and still... Some sketches are like that and I always like them for that.
Like others have already said I don't really get the point of this. When I first read your log-line I thought maybe there was a little more to it than just that, but that's literally all this screenplay is... Two guys discussing a dream. I don't think I would have had a problem with it if it had been a funny dream, but for me, the whole comedy side of things wasn't there. It might look funnier on film, but as a script, it doesn't deliver. JMHO.
The writing, on the other hand, was solid. Just one minor thing I picked up on.
Page 1: "ROSS (16-19) and CARLOS (19-19) waiting in the slow-moving lunch line." - You need to commit to one age, here. Age can tell a lot about a character, especially in this one. If your two characters were 16 I might actually buy into their sense of humor, as opposed to a 19 year-old who's sense of humor would probably be a little more mature, therefore making the script a little unnatural. Subtle differences can make a script a whole heap better... Sometimes.
Hi everyone, thank you for reading, and thank you for commenting. I'm not pretty sure why you could see the script and comment it before it got uploaded; I just got the e-mail saying that it was uploaded. Ok, now let's answer some of your questions/statements. I decided to upload this as is because I thought it was "funny", it is a fact that the script has no point because it is actually a set of scenes, that I wrote as I thought. As you may see the title of the script is "As I Think" meaning as I, me, myself, think. I was just sitting when I thought of this, wrote it, and called it "As I Think" because I decided I was going to expand it as I thought; and so I did, but my computer stopped working and I lost all my files(I still have them, the computer just doesn't turn on anymore). I wrote many of these silly scene-groups (some actually following a major plot), and I was about to start writing scenes that had more shape to it (plot, character info, actual age, more characters, villains, action, etc.) to fill in the spaces between the scene-groups and join the whole thing. I'm right now in the process of recuperating all the files, and hopefully I get to finish the piece and upload it. Thank you. =) =) I hope I explained myself well.
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Hey Chris. Welcome to SS. Scripts are usually posted on the discussion board before they're posted on the main website. Not sure why Don does it like that, but that's just the way it is.
Please stick around. Most of us are fairly welcoming to newbies. Just one thing, make sure you comment on other scripts that aren't your own. If you want reviews on your own work, you're going to have to put some effort into scripts that aren't yours.
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As I Think
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