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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Untimely Moderators: bert
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  Author    Untimely  (currently 902 views)
Don
Posted: October 1st, 2012, 6:24pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Untimely by James Lynham - Short, Comedy - After a life of mistakes and a particular night of devastation, two college best friends attempt to leave their world behind by traveling through time. 36 pages - pdf, format


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Forgive
Posted: October 2nd, 2012, 6:49pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Well apart from irritating people who do appear on the boards by reading those who don't appear on the boards, I thought I'd give this a quick once over. Maybe my whole philosophy is wrong and I need a re-write/think. About everything. Suffice to say I gave up at:

     DAD
This is a warning to act. It’s
coming from a good place, but I
will not let you waist your
potential.
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CoopBazinga
Posted: October 3rd, 2012, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Forgive
Well apart from irritating people who do appear on the boards by reading those who don't appear on the boards


Oh, don't worry, Simon.

You irritate people for a lot more than just that, trust me.

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Forgive
Posted: October 3rd, 2012, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Et tu Brutus?  
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Steex
Posted: October 4th, 2012, 2:55am Report to Moderator
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I drink your milkshake.

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I think you have the record for longest opening block of action/description.

You give a very extended character description as well. Most of what you tell us is what you should probably be showing us. You go very in depth with it.

I got through a few pages, but honestly, the EXTREMELY long descriptions had me just sort of skimming after that. I would definitely recommend cutting them down as much as possible.

Also, your time travel device thing sounds very made up to me: "Transmodulated Operational Recreator of Chaos Hybrid device". Although, I do like the acronym TORCH.


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