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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Typical Aussie Bastard Moderators: bert
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  Author    Typical Aussie Bastard  (currently 1546 views)
Don
Posted: December 4th, 2012, 10:26am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Typical Aussie Bastard by Al Agolli - Action, Adventure - A conman, agambler and a thief, this time the odds are stacked against him. 99 pages - pdf, format


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CoopBazinga
Posted: December 4th, 2012, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Great title!

I know a few of these. In fact, I deal with plenty of them on a daily basis.
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Dreamscale
Posted: December 4th, 2012, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from CoopBazinga
Great title!


...but terrible, error infested logline.

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CoopBazinga
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 5:34am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale


...but terrible, error infested logline.



I didn't get that far.

But you're correct, it is a bit clumsy.

Al,

Are you around for feedback?
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coldbug
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
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I have tried the first 10 pages.  Here you go:

-i agree with the logline situation.  with your writing skills I believe you sure can turn the logline into a very catchy one.

-most good Action films usually have some sort of excitement during the opening.  You have not done that.  Instead, you fed with dialogues.  They are not bad, but imo, you could recreate something more exciting.  You will get more readers this way.



A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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