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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Halloween: Michael's Final Rampage Moderators: bert
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  Author    Halloween: Michael's Final Rampage  (currently 1926 views)
Don
Posted: January 8th, 2013, 6:48pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Halloween: Michael's Final Rampage by Craig Singleton - Horror - Sequel to the original franchise where Michael Myers awakes in the morgue. He unleashes murder but is gunned down and taken back to Haddonfield mental institute for the remainder of his life, but can they keep here there forever? - pdf, format


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crookedowl
Posted: January 8th, 2013, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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Craig,

Lots of problems here, man. I think I've seen your name before. Have I read any of your work before? Can't remember.

At first glance, I see you really need some formatting software, like Celtx (free). Or Trelby, which I haven't tried but others recommend it.

Like I said, lots of problems. I'm not sure if you're around or not, but anyway, I'll go over them as I read.

FADE IN goes to the left.

Don't write everything in huge paragraphs... keep action lines at 4 lines or less. Less is great. And don't justify the paragraphs. Just go with left aligned.

Write character names in ALL CAPS the first time we see them on screen. You don't need to cap their names after that.

Don't refer back to your slug (the morgue) in action lines, if possible. Make sure nothing is redundant... you said INT. MORGUE, so you don't have to say we're "in the morgue" in the action lines.

Avoid passive verbiage. Instead of "the doctor is sitting" write "the doctor sits".

Try to find substitues for adverbs when possible. Instead of "he slowly walks", "he creeps" read much better. (Also, "he slowly creeps" is redundant and doesn't read well. If you say he creeps, we know he's moving slowly).

In your second slug-- how do we know it's "PRESENT TIME"? There's no way for that to translate to the screen. Say it another way (have a title card) if it's important.

Be sure everything you say in your script can actually translate to the screen. Keep it visual. Show, don't tell.

You don't need to use CUT TO after each scene. It interrupts the flow of the story, and adds extra lines here and there. You can use it for effect (in certain scenes), but I wouldn't use it every time.

End with FADE OUT to the right.

Get rid of the two blank pages at the end.

I'm not real big on the title. "Michael's Final Rampage" doesn't have a very good ring to it, IMO.

Personally, I'm not a big fanfic fan. And this is fanfic, unless you actually acquire the rights. I mean, it's your choice, but if it were me...

Change the names, change Michael's mask. Mix up some of the references that relate this to the previous films, and BAM, you've got an original slasher on your hands.

Just a thought.

Hope this helps.

Will
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 9th, 2013, 2:56am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Sequel to the original franchise where Michael Myers awakes in the morgue. He unleashes murder but is gunned down and taken back to Haddonfield mental institute for the remainder of his life, but can they keep here there forever?


While it would have been nice to see a follow up to Halloween Res, (because we were given the Rob Zombie reboots instead) I have to say...those jokers knocked off Laurie Strode in the opening reel (and pissing on H20's theme) it was one serious messed up franchise. I always wanted up a follow up to Season Of The Witch myself...but anyway...

Why, when in comes to fanfic the writer always makes hundreds of spec writing errors?
Why write something that they have a passion for, yet can never sell?
Why do most of the fan fikkers come in and rarely (if ever) come in for a peek?

And, as Crooked owl said, Here's a premise where you could zap out ALL of the Halloween references, change some names and with some TLC have a nice little horror piece you can actually do something with?

And no, I didn't read this stuff past page five.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
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Posted: January 28th, 2013, 1:27am Report to Moderator
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Halloween.  Michael’s Final Rage.

I guess every fan boy feels the need to write an ending to the original series.  I mean, we did get an ending with H20 -- then a lame resurrection -- and then an even lamer reboot.  A lot of hardcore fans want closure to the old series.  They are very bitter and feel cheated that everything went down the way it did.  Some result to fan fics.  Their intentions are good, but everything usually turns out bulky, corny, and ridiculous.

We have Michael’s Final Rampage.  Michael Myers hasn’t been The Shape since John Carpenter’s Halloween and it seems like it’s going to be that way here.  12 pages in and I have to give you credit -- it appears you’re going the way of new characters created on your own and not taken from the series.  Hopefully it stays that way throughout the script.  All too often fan boys write in a son of Loomis, or Tommy Doyle, or Jamie Lloyd, etc -- it’s refreshing to see new characters, even if they’re paper-thin and their dialogue is on the nose.  

Michael gets captured escaping from the morgue -- fairly easily.  He then is kept in Haddonfield’s Mental Hospital.  The characters pretty much just throw him in a room and throw away the key.  There are no police guards or anything heavy duty -- which is really absurd considering (by now) Myers is a mass murderer and has killed hundreds of people.  The FBI should have been called at this point, yet he is left unprotected and escapes when a cop feels the need to break into his room and deliver vigilante justice.  19 Pages in and I think I’ll leave it at that, probably because I know how the rest will go.  I would more then love to read a solid Halloween fan fic -- and I have read at least 3 really good ones, perfect formatting and all -- but this one doesn’t cut it.  Everything is off, and it’s not just the formatting.  Michael isn’t handled the way he should be.  The characters aren’t realistic and you wonder how they even made it to their profession in the first place -- doctors and police officers.  Had Michael been captured at the end of Resurrection, you can bet a million dollars the situation would be drastically different than what’s going on here -- realistically, anyway.  But kudos to trying to bring closure to a series you love.  Nothing wrong with that.
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