The Ninety Second Project by Prahaas Oldman - Short, Drama, Horror - A very unusual breakfast. 2 pages. - pdf, format

It works fine for me. You might have to click the link and then refresh.

Cool.  Thanks Crookedowl, it worked.

So, how's it going Praahas?

This story didn't do much of anything for me.  A few errors with passive writing and improperly introduced characters but regardless, I'm not sure what to make of this.  It's definitely a challenge to write a good story with two pages of space and you have a few good ones but this missed the mark.

Maybe it's the fact that this entire scene just seems dropped in our laps, almost like it belongs at the center of a five or six page short.  It's really just a few guys eating in which case you could even have cut this down to a single page.  Well best of luck.

Johnny

I have to agree with Johnny. I read it a couple times, and it reads like an excerpt from something more.

On a positive note, I think your 4-word logline is perfect. It takes guts to go with something that brief, but it works.

I don't even understand what I read here.  I grasped at two or three different meanings but none holds up.

This was very word heavy and probably couldbe cut to a one page script if you tighten things up.


Phil

What did I just read?

and is "mess" a location.

Didn't do anything for me.

Good luck

Mark

Quoted from irish eyes and is "mess" a location.

I think he meant "Mess hall".

Well, I didn't get that at all.   Was One the one who died of food poisoning?  If not, why did he disappear?  And why don't these people have names?  Very off-putting to have numbers for character names.  Just a confusing jumble for me, sorry to say.

Prahaas,

No idea what I just read. Did "One" intentally inject poison in his food and die? or was it planted there? I would recommend using real names for characters instead of numbers. It gets confusing trying to read numbers for names.

For two pages this felt a little too long. You could easily condense this to 1 page.

Best of luck.

Dirk

This was so confusing.  You need to fix your slugs up, you said “Mess” and I’m sure you mean “Mess Hall.”.

I don’t understand the purpose of this at all, either.  This had no effect on me.  It wasn’t funny.  Instead of making this shorter, like others have said, I’d rather see this idea expanded on because I think you have an interesting idea possibly, it’s just all muddled and confusing at the moment now.  Also, are giving the characters number names pivotal to your story? Or can you expand on who they are?

I am guessing from the title the objective also was to write something under 90 seconds.  You did that.  Did you make it understandable?  Well, to me no.

Good luck, either way.


-- Curt