Platonic by Salih Demir - Short - How far can a platonic lover go? Bob, Julia, Danny, Marissa and Don are very close friends. In one of those house parties that they frequently organize and where only five of them participate, Don makes a surprise to his friends in the night when the party is held at his home. A plan that took off five years ago comes to fruition at that night. 12 pages - pdf, format

No logline? Not a good sign...

You tend to describe a lot of unnecessary things in your action lines. Not to mention you have a lot of awkwardly written sentences.

Dialogue's wooden. Not to mention your formatting is totally wrong...

I'm not even sure you're around to read my notes, so I'll be brief until you show up. Read as many scripts as you can... it's probably the best way to improve. And get Celtx or Trelby (both free) to format your script. They make life easier, for sure...

Sorry if this is harsh. I hope it helps.

Will

How you do Salih Demir

No title page is a turn off-

" We can understand from his way of speech and his facial expression that he is afraid"

instead of saying we can understand....just describe him to be afraid.  in fact avoid
using the word WE see or WE hear in any script. you also use camera directions -- camera  directions should be avoided in a script unless it is very very important to the story

your paragraphs are more than four lines which is a huge turn off

at the end you have don is speaking than don starts to talk.... you should not
do that

just my thoughts either way good luck in the future