The Bet by Josh Griffiths - Short, Drama - A story about a CEO and a young lawyer who make a bet with one other about whether the death penalty is better or worse than life in prison. The Lawyer is locked away for 15 years, while the CEO gets to enjoy life to the fullest. 16 pages - pdf, format

When you write things like: he begins walking... write instead: he walks.

Overwritten but I can get past that to see the excellent story. Very impressive.

Unlike Dustin, I couldn't get past the first page to decide whether this was an excellent story or not.  The reason being that it is very, very overwritten.

You're trying to set the scene like this is a novel or something.  You're not letting the audience make anything up for themselves.  You're first two pages alone are just very steep.

You wrote:

"INT. CEO’S HOUSE - GAME ROOM - NIGHT
Three men sit at a table, playing a game of poker. Each is
holding a pair of cards, shifting their gazes between one
another.
Inside the room is a fireplace burning in the background.
They play on a real poker table, complete with green felt
and all the markings. Several other games are scattered
throughout the room such as a dartboard and a miniature golf
hole."

Could easily be written as:

"INT.  CEO'S HOUSE - GAMES ROOM - NIGHT

THREE MEN sit and play poker around a poker table in the
middle of a lavish games room.  They all look between one
another, curious."  .... or something like that?

See?  Same effect.  Less words.  Let the reader use their imagination a little bit.  You don't need to describe everything in the room.

You're first few pages haven't hooked me, and they're so bogged down that I can't enjoy what I'm reading.  Less is best, basic is better.  I would suggest reading a few more screenplays on the board to get the hang of it more (not than I'm saying I'm a pro, because I'm seriously not, and I hope I'm not coming off as a dick.)

You also wrote:

"The CEO (30) is of an average build, again dressed in a
simple T-shirt and jeans. He’s loud and boisterous, fancying
himself an entertainer."

You're telling is he's fancying himself as an entertainer and he is boisterous, but you need to SHOW us this somehow.

Anyways, good luck with this, I haven't seen you myself around the boards too much, from what I can re-call.  But if you check in, I might come back and attempt reading more of this.

Good luck again.

-- Curt

Hi Josh

Great story. A story about personal revelation and truth. Very interesting approach you took with this script. I felt this story could definitely be expanded into a feature length screenplay...maybe the lawyer, through the books he reads, creates and lives in his own imagined fantasy world to cope with the conditions he is in...maybe the CEO's decision to lock up his friend throughout the years affects his judgements and business as the years go by...etc etc. Nevertheless, it was quite an interesting read.  

Your action descriptions definitely need trimming. You seem to have the makings of a novel writer than a screenwriter, especially the scenes near the end. Less is more. Keep at it

-Silva Sly-