Lavery Pines by Barry Katz - Series, Sitcom Pilot - In the pilot episode, the "Bathrobe Mafia" concocts an ornery plan to exact revenge on the hoodlums who defaced their retirement home. 34 pages - pdf, format

Read some of this. I can't imagine all the penis, condom, jerk off talk between those in a retirement home. I mean a bit of it is funny, but it becomes annoying after you keep doing it.

The dialogue is double spaced which takes up a ton of room, so you may need more material when you format this thing right. It will cut the pages down quite a bit.

I do like some of the characters, but feel like they need to be built better. I did read the character bios at the beginning, but in a pilot you need to show us that stuff for each one pretty quick and cleverly by their actions and what they say.

Decent enough idea in my opinion. Good luck with it.

Thanks for the read, Pale Yellow!  My co-writer and I decided to take an edgy approach with our concept as opposed to playing it too safe.  We reckon it's easier to tone something down than the reverse.  Nonetheless, we appreciate your honesty and feedback... much appreciated!