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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Fox & Dog Moderators: bert
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  Author    Fox & Dog  (currently 11175 views)
Don
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fox & Dog: Meet the Bizarre by Daniel Viau - Series, Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy - FOX is a journalist for a paranormal tabloid that publishes stories of Aliens, Bigfoot, Jesus sightings, etc. He partners up with a magic DOG named Gonzo to investigate the supernatural. 27 pages - pdf, format

Fox & Dog: Meet the Tick Part 1 by Daniel Viau - Series, Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy - This time, FOX & DOG discover bugs from outer space have invaded a small Canadian town.  32 pages - pdf, format

Fox & Dog: Meet the Tick Part 2 by Daniel Viau - Series, Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy - This time, a parade gathers the whole town together. FOX & DOG must stop the alien invasion, and kill a whole mess o' space bugs. 27 pages - pdf, format

Fox & Dog: Meet the Interwebs by Daniel Viau - Series, Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy - This time, an investigation into psychic phenomenon forces FOX & DOG to embrace modern technology. Fox must learn to use and navigate the hidden world of the Internet.  32 pages - pdf, format


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Last Fountain
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for posting these. I hope enticed readers give it a chance and stick with it. At least to the 2nd episode. That's when it really gets going.

I was aiming for a cross between MEN IN BLACK meets R-rated SPLATstick with a whiff of PINEAPPLE EXPRESS.

Enjoy...

D A N


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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 4:28am Report to Moderator
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Oh Dan, Oh Dan! I joined in the world of FOX AND DOG. (Meet the bizarre)


I knew I will like your stuff, but you have a lot of distance between your talent and what you do with it in the execution.

I can understand that people don't connect to this work, because of that fact. Here are so many scripts to read and they just want to have it in shape and read screenplays and don't look over missed conventions and applause to a creative fanciful writer who doesn't seem to try everything he can to set up the hard writers work in the best possible way.  You forget the writer's cheap hard daily routine work. All the small things.

Because of that, some might not get your sensible way of building stories, which I see in your writing, these intriguing characters and the whole style. And that's justified. There's always a bitter 50:50 taste I have even myself by reading your work. But I always decide in case of doubt for you. And for example: gave these 10 phone-calls a kind of establishing factor concerning to the story or: I decide for the 50% which gives me these melancholic great characterization of Fox, when you overwrite the dialogue. That John Cusack guy you picture is awesome. But you have to understand that you can only overwrite it and give it the right profile with that decision; and it is the right way to overwrite it in that case; when you got your stuff overall in perfect shape. Then we say: Oh Cusack does his smalltalk to himself, great, I love it.

You just don't do your homework. And that devalues so much and I don't know if you recognize it.

I cannot tell much about the writing as non-n.speaker, you know that, but even from the points I learned here, this doesn't fit. Worse than that is: the timing has to be perfect, and it's a pure catastrophe here. The interactions between the characters, too. The dog is licking his balls for example: it felt like he does that 10 minutes; you have a scene between where FOX is before a building and has to go into the 6th floor; and when Fox arrives there the dog is still licking his balls. Noooo. Not well executed. And that's just an example.

It's exact the thing I guessed and pm'd you. You have fun and write straight forward and nothing else cares. If you would do EASY THINGS IN A RIGHT WAY, you are such a strong storyteller IMO. So that everything, we have doubts about, the whole quality of your craft in telling, will turn into good.

So you got talent, for sure, but that doesn't do your work.

By the way: I like Fox and Dog. I like it a lot.  It's refreshing. And I want to read further.

SPOILER-It's something like Ghostbusters style- SPOILER

The problem is the same with the concept at all.

SPOILER- Does it fit that you chose some themes like, licking balls, a saw which divides a dog- the marihuana thing- Don't you need also children as target audience for that series, which you say "Men in Black style?-SPOILER

Exact the same point: You just do it, for yourself, OK. I cannot decide how you decide your work. At least you got fun, I had, too. I'm still impressed. Really!

I don't know, if I'm right at all… and that's not my intention. You got more than 9000 views, 1 comment now. It's a shame for such a creative piece as FOX and DOG, but that fact is also a feedback of the community you shouldn't ignore.

I think, if you would just talk to a writer who writes your script and bring it in format and do it technically right, in every aspect of screenwriting, you would have open ears and eyes for your stories.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed much. Don't take it personal.


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)


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PrussianMosby  -  November 12th, 2013, 11:19am
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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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Ok. I'm on page 2 now in the 2. Episode. And it's very funny in a sensitive way. You establish the mood so well. I see the whole parallels how you start to make your story believable by over-characterizing Fox. So the Dog can just act free now.

It's getting better and better. Ok.

SPOILER

They survive a meteor falling down on earth just in front of them; it's ironic, clear, but what the hell is that cool to do so; and while the car jumps from crash to crash Fox talks to the dog

FOX
This is what we humans call
fun, dog...
(laughs, nervous)
Ya... Fun.

Fox screams, as they recklessly travel.

FOX
I'll teach you another
important word we have...
Insurance...

Dan, I actually want to hit myself because I like that stuff.
You are an enfant terrible. I know I kicked you a bit and told you some uncomfortable truth in the first post and I already had to censor some inside. But to be honest. **** on the fact that you even don't do a period at the end of a page. It doesn't matter. Cause Cusack alias Fox begins to spin, now. It's high expensive, but if I had the money, I would do that stuff PERIOD. There are more "important" stories I would do first, but it's getting a little bit of a notable touch, now. That's my way to say that I'm impressed. Is that a big joke or what?

I go now and watch European football. Need a beer. I think it's impossible to ruin that from this point. So I look forward to the next moments with that crazy double team…


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)

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Last Fountain
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the comments. This series is R rated for sure. But hopefully R rated fun. I compared it to MiB cuz the unlikely duo with job to investigate paranormal. I envisioned this as a possible animated (badly) series of shorts. Even Youtube or internet sries.

The goal was to homage fun 80s horror. Since I really like dialogue I may have gone overboard. These are very 1st drafts, made in just a few days for the compete 4 shows. You should see the plots I have lined up. They get even crazier.

I wanted to set up the show with a familiar Body Snatchers plot. The aim ws to be constantly goofy, a little abrasive, and gross out the audience.

John Cusack is a good call. I wrote Fox with Michael J Fox in mind... 80s version, younger.

And the ball licking stuff? Have spent a day w a dog. They can go at it for longercthan 10mins. Haha. Also I wanted an intro showing how stupid and dog like he is. After all the dog is magic and super smart. I thought this intro would divert thosd expectations. An anti intro. Hehe.

Thanks for the comments. Like I said it takes time for this to brew. Maybe the 1st 3 eps could become a feature instead.


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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 10th, 2013, 4:03am Report to Moderator
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SPOILERS

Ok, I hope you read a bit between the lines that I don't have to explain everything as detailed as here. When I say the timing, interaction and those points are bad, I mean it that way. It's not about that it's possible that a dog could do that all day long. It has just no rhythm, it feels messy, it feels excessive, in regard to the rhythm of what happens at all in the sequence and the one behind, too. It's almost the most excessive hot dog buy/eat scene you set up, followed by the almost most excessive clean your hand shots, followed by a very excessive smoking dope scene. Ahmm and in the middle a dog licking excessive his balls.

That's  my reflection and when you want to defend it, do it.

The point is: You are in an ironic world, right? And I see that you try to get everything on the top and further. The best friend of the mystery magazine man FOX is a high addictive drug-guy, the magic dog's smoking marihuana, the chef Swan looks/acts like the secretary of Ghostbuster's

That's cool, no problem, you can do her even so stereotype, she's  Money-penny XYZ and I mean that honestly, BUT

when you have these ironic world you nevertheless shouldn't raise everything inside as high as possible. The pure natural irony is damaged by the artificial raised irony. You get that, Dan? The mood turns into ridiculousness.

2 words you maybe can imagine more of: reversal effect; or correlation error

Fox talks to himself, Ok, Fox talks to the dog, Ok. Fox got also an inner voice, as you write FOX thinking: No way-too much of too much

I'm through Episode two and the whole concept has the problem of these effects. When you raise everything since the ridiculousness, your target audience has to be children, too, but then they cannot speak as much in scatology or ram a hockey stick you know where, heavy by the way.

And even if you still think: I want to do homage on trash comedy Horror, it gets a bit of a negative touch to go so far as you do it here. It's getting just a bit not-cool.

When I said I see Cusack there, this is a "possible" reality- (and I know Cusack cannot play that comedy range, but the melancholic part he would be perfect, so you "would" have to go with him)

and when you say you made it for the 80's Michael J. Fox, that is not reality.

That cannot work on screen. It's impossible to write a whole series concept to a special guy who cannot play that. So, you throw the whole Fox and Dog out of the window which such a decision.
Yeah, you could change the character away fro MJFox, but, believe me, it would be a massive change because the whole subtext is still there.

If you say it could be on youtube, it's the same here. You have to animate a magic dog with 100%screentime. I don't know about the costs, but overall the project sounds 6numbers minimum per half an hour. If you cannot do the animation yourself with friends who help you for free.

I try to  accept the exaggerating moments and read on, but leave at that point here, still with the advice: If a writer like you would do easy things right, in my opinion, your work would be better.
Your thoughts are strong and need the package they deserve…

And hey, all that Points are crying on a high Level, cause they would be just These homework things I mentioned. And if you would do it's getting to the next Level- and that's it

I still enjoy the FOX and DOG series.


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)

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Last Fountain
Posted: November 10th, 2013, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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I think I missed the mark on conveying the tone than. This IS ridiculous. The whole show is goofy and non-sensical. It's trying to be ridiculous on purpose. It's like critiquing South Park against Shakespeare.  Apples and oranges. It sounds like this one isn't for you. But thanks for reading it.

Oh and Michael J Fox was a template. I wrote Fox to have a similar vibe. I didn't write this to be produced by Hollywood. It's for fun. If made, I envision it like South Park, in the crappy animation style. If live action it would be low budget like Stuart Gordon's stuff.... like REANIMATOR.

And this is intended for mature audiences. Well, not mature. But 16+ immature. Haha.

Thanks again...


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PrussianMosby
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Quoted Text
It sounds like this one isn't for you.


I like it a lot and had fun. There's no combination which safes a script in case of discussing the problems. Where to develop the potential and how to get a better execution. Sorry, if it came up negative. I see a giant potential in the concept, but many problems in the execution. So, with such a combination, as reader, I have to put my finger on the problems by 90% of the feedback, cause you possible go into a hot script when you start to screw it right. That's how a feedback can get a negative touch. Sorry for that. I will enjoy the rest of the script like I did since yet.


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)

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I wanted to comment on the excessive hot dog scene. It was a little experiment. Have a obscure unexpected image to open the series. Mustard doodling a hotdog. The first word of dialogue. Mustard. A weird echoe. I wanted the audience to raise their eyebrow.  Huh?


SLIP/THROUGH - scifi noir (feature)
HOLY 3D CHRISTMAS! - fantasy (shorf)

BORED? Check out my movie news for movie nerds BLOG.
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PrussianMosby
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Yeah, it's cool. I like much of the introduction. It's just very detailed in the whole stuff. And that takes a bit of the rhythm.

Sometimes you need to let go. For example: You do it good with Fox getting the DOG. There you acclerate and that feels good. I have this more in mind than the scene at the owner of the Dog: I saw the street, Fox, the magician is getting arrested. Fox has got the dog. Boom.

At that point I asked myself. Why does he write completely different now? And better IMO.

There has to be more relaxation, in the way you handle the story. It's too much focus on every detail.


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)


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