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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  God's and Subjects Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 22nd, 2013, 11:01am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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God's and Subjects by David Andrei - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Huge wolves and other dissasters face the dwindling population of a half frozen Earth. With the help of an alien being, descendant of the ancient Gods, a commoner, who's only wish is to save his wife and unborn child, becomes the saviour of the human race. 100 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  November 27th, 2013, 6:14pm
revised draft
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James A McCormick
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 8:11am Report to Moderator
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Hi David,

Are you still around? I like the premise and will give this a read if you're still looking for feedback.

James
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TonyDionisio
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 10:02am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Hi.

The action paragraphs are way too beefy.  It's hard to get into the script.  Too much chatter.  I believe this script needs to be fleshed out,  trimmed to clear and basic information. Then it will be easier to get into.
The premise is interesting.  The logline can be trimmed as above.

Tony
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