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Wood Work by Charles Kaufmann Solis - Short - A lumberjack discovers a found respect for a particular tree in which he dared to chop down initially. 7 pages - pdf, format
Page 1 quite...not sure this is the word you meant to use for your lumberjack.
It feels a bit repetitive and I know you need that to make the end work. I felt like this was just 'ok' ...there weren't any real surprises. Just a guy that doesn't cut a tree down I guess because the branch hit him on the head once. Then as he's dying he burns the branch. Maybe I'm missing something.
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
An ancient gargantuan tree. A beautiful night sky. Stars
providing majesty in every direction.
The sound of animals and insects behaving as they will
amongst the cloak of darkness.
Tranquility.
TITLE OVER:
"THE NEXT DAY"
EXT. FOREST - DAY
A middle-aged LUMBERJACK calmly approaches the tree. He’s a
stereotypical man in this line of work. Tall, burly, and
rugged. One thing is apparent to how he differs from this
stereotype, however.
He’s quite. The type of quite that would create
uncomfortable silences among others - had there been anyone
else around.
He stares at the tree. His face fills with a plethora of
emotions, as if sensing some type of significance which
radiates from the ancient wood.
He looks down.
This reads like a novel. What's the point in telling us he is quiet when there isn't anybody else around? Does that really have any relevance to what we are seeing on screen, aside from the fact that he doesn't talk to himself?
His face fills with a plethora of emotions? Can you imagine an actor really trying to pull this off? How many emotions can you think of? Even in prose this would make for some very strange imagery.
Also... as if sensing some type of significance which radiates from the wood; is really, really cringe-worthy.
I can't actually read this. I see images when I read words, and if the two do not add up then it isn't a pleasurable experience. It needs work.
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Wood Work
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