Call Me Famous by Samuel  Vachon (SamEcrie) - Short, Drama - We all dream of greatness, CHRIS and BRUCE are prodigies of generation Y. They attempt to become famous through the social network of the modern day.  33 pages - pdf, format

Sorry, Samuel, but your opening is just absolutely terrible and that's as far as I got.

Let's see what's so wrong...

FADE IN: should be left justified.

Opening Slug is wrong in numerous ways - Although you can correctly use a city or other geographical names in a Slug, the way you're doing it here is incorrect and will not be know in a filmed version.  Summer or any other season is not part of a Slug.

Opening passage - You start off with a misspelled word - "Were" - "We're" - it makes a difference.  "Cegep graduates" - I had no clue what this meant, so I googled it.  It's used incorrectly here and is unfilmable, as is the entire first sentence, really...well, unfilmable may not be complete accurate, but you need to write what you want us to see, and you sure didn't do that in the opening line.

Next sentence is also very poor, very poorly written, and not the kind of line you want in a screenplay. It's basically a poorly worded aside.

Last sentence in the opening passage is again downright terrible.  You start with "We can assume...", which you you never, ever want to wriute again.  How can we assume anything?  Why would we assume anything?  You need to write visually so "we know", and don't have to asume...nor do you need to tell us what we know or assume, as it's a waste and just very amateurish.  Then, you use "dwelling".  Really?  Does that sound remotely good or right?  No...poor choice of words.  Finally, you end in a completely unnecessary orphan which bloats the passage to 5 lines.

2nd passage is also very poorly written and clocks in at 5 lines again - you really never should go over 4 lines in a passage and you'll want to break them up based on individual thoughts, descriptions, actions, or better yet - "shots".

The puncuation on display is terrible.  The sentence structure is terrible.  Passive verbiage is out of control.

You first dialogue box contains 2 wrylies, bot completely unnecessary.

I'm sorry, that's all I can subject myself to.  Needs attention on every single line, sorry to say.

Read scripts.  Ddo research online about writing scripts.  Ask questions.  NeEver give up.  There's a learning curve here, but once you get it, you got it.

Take care.