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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Oculus Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 3rd, 2014, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Oculus by Matthew Jennings - Horror, Anime - A business man’s chance encounter on a subway with the demon of his dreams. 84 pages - pdf, format


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MattJennings
Posted: January 26th, 2014, 12:32am Report to Moderator
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Dang, I jut realized there is a movie coming out called Oculus...well, at least I know it is a good title.

So I guess I need a new title, any suggestions?

-Matt
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TonyDionisio
Posted: January 28th, 2014, 7:51am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Hi Matt,

You'll get more reads if you spice up your logline.  This should help:

http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/

Good luck,

Tony
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MattJennings
Posted: January 28th, 2014, 11:00am Report to Moderator
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Hello Tony,

Yes, good point.  Maybe something like:

A business man meets the demon of his dreams and finds a world he could never imagine, and a world he could never leave.

I'll work on it.

-Matt
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 5:25pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Matt,
Try to include what is a stake for the business man and  what he may have to overcome in order to prosper. If his not being able to leave aainst his own will then try to include that.
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Busy Little Bee
Posted: September 13th, 2014, 9:36am Report to Moderator
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Hey, Matt

I’m not as vested in anime as in horror genre, so I don't what makes a good anime. In any case it’s nice to see someone actually taking some consideration into writing a proper log line that gets the story across in an intriguing way as possible. Some people fail to realize that the title, premise are just more doors in the way of getting people to read what could be a good script if they aren't done properly.

“A business man (main character) meets the demon of his dreams (obstacle) and finds a world he could never imagine, and a world he could never leave. (mystery)”

I'll give the next 10 a read

BLB



Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
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