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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Michael Brown Moderators: bert
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  Author    Michael Brown  (currently 1445 views)
Don
Posted: March 16th, 2014, 9:24am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Michael Brown by Brian S. Thompson - Drama - When a brilliant boy is traumatized by the tragic death of his father, his mother must fight to restore his well-being. 97 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 3rd, 2014, 4:55pm
revised draft
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Demento
Posted: March 23rd, 2014, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
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I read the first 10 pages. Formatting is spot on. Good job.

I think the "2006" should get dropped from the action line at the start. If you want to tell us it's 2006, you should use a SUPER.

There are 3 action paragraphs in a row that start with "The eagle", then the same thing happens again on another page "The eagle". I don't like how it looks visually on the page and how it reads. In my opinion you can word those scenes better and shorter. I get what you're trying to do with it but I think it takes too much space.

Writing is good. Dialogue is good.

The start of the story didn't grab me but from those pages it looks like a competent script. Good job.
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