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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Redemption of Omega 11001 Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Redemption of Omega 11001  (currently 1268 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2014, 5:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Redemption of Omega 11001 by Gary Tao - Thriller - When a rogue group of black operatives stumble across alien technology under the Sea, only one soldier and his comrade have the caliber to locate and destroy it. With hazy pasts but once the world's best they discover it's all connected, and a matter of National Security. 126 pages - pdf, format


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GaryTao
Posted: April 29th, 2014, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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Hi All,

I would really appreciate it if someone could read this movie and tell me what they think.

Is it interesting overall ?
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nemo
Posted: May 3rd, 2014, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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I gave this a whirl, and on the first few pages I encountered some minor problems.
1) You capitalize random words and sentences, it's a little distracting. I think you only capitalize names when they're first introduced and sound effects.
2)    Some of your descriptions could be shortened and made more succinct. ex. pg. 2 (An (LCD screen shows records of four high clearance government...)
3) It's not very polished, ROOF DOOR. Then below SWINGS OPEN.

I got to page 5, its not bad, congrats on completing the screenplay. Go through and read it aloud, edit and re-submit. You may have a great story to tell, but it won't be evident until this is polished a little.
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GaryTao
Posted: May 5th, 2014, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, I will give it another read and make some changes.  Thanks.

Here is another review for it.

http://studios.amazon.com/reviews?entity_id=63507&entity_type_id=666503288
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