Infinite Ammo...Zero Accuracy by Johnny Diaz - Short, Comedy - Stranded in the middle of a gunfight, four young adults try and pass the time in hopes of surviving through to the end. 5 pages - pdf, format

Mr. Diaz,

A bit confused and hopefully you will chime in to help me understand what happened. Are they in a video game or are they actually some sort of mercenary types getting fired upon and Aaron is the only one actually playing a video game on his phone? Maybe it's supposed to reality but then how would the group survive with all the bullets hitting the van and explosions happening all around them?

The writing was good and the atmosphere you created was great, really felt like a mini war was happening throughout but after reading it a couple of times I'm a little lost to what actually was going on. Sorry if this comes off a bit harsh, not my intention.

Great to see something new from you, take care.

Hey Johnny,

Good to see something new. Been awhile. I owe you a read or two so...

I wish I had better things to say about this. First, it's a bit sloppy. A lot of typos and wrong words used unintentionally that need to be cleaned up. I get the feeling that you just wrote this, posted, and that's that. I don't think anyone should do that. Gotta put a shine on this one.

Also, I guess I'm just not following your storyline but are tey in some kind of bizarro video game of their own? Or are the baddies all shooting with blanks. I'm scratching my head here. Just very confused by all of this.

I'm not gonna try and guess, but I'm curious as to what indeed is going on here. I hope you will let us in on it. Whatever is going on, it needs to be much clearer. But perhaps the vague nature was what you are going for. I just don't know!

Take care.

Steve

First off, thanks Don for posting.  Been a busy week for me but got some time now.

Dirk, my man!  What's goin' down?  Thanks for the read.  So to start I had just watched First Blood part II and this just came pouring out as soon as it finished.  I've never posted a vomit draft, or a comedy so I thought I'd go for it and do something way outside my element.  They aren't in any weird kind of video game or anything.  This is a bit more of a fantasy spoof, sorta poking fun at the fact that faceless bad guys in these 80's action flicks could NEVER hit anyone with their guns.  Same thing for storm troopers.

Steve.  Thanks for checking it out.  Sorry it wasn't your thing.  You're right about checking over the writing before posting.  I should have done a better job actually editing this than jumping the trigger to soon and submitting it.  I like aiming for weird, strange concepts like this but it really defeats the purpose if everyone gets lost along the way.  I'm a drama/horror kinda guy so thought I'd try and explore every kind of genre just to stretch my legs and working on the writing portion of my game a bit more.

If you guys need anything read, it being posted or in the works, let me know.  Thanks.

-Johnny

Johnny -

Understanding it's kind of a spoof on 80's action flicks it reminds me more of the A-Team episodes I grew up watching. Amazing how there was always a shoot out happening yet no one ever got shot or injured.

Nice work, bro.

Hi there - my thoughts

So I was a little confused by the later, later, much later elements... I get that it's a spoof but struggled to see this working practically in such a short script... maybe just one elongated gunfight?

Liked the interplay in the van, worked well.

I thought the ending wss a little abrupt, perhaps could cut to Aaron outside firing the gun with a maniac gin on his face or similar?

Thanks

Anthony