The Friendly Family by Rhonnie Fordham - Horror - A teenage girl, BLAIR, moves back to the town where her parents murdered many innocent citizens twelve years earlier. Soon, several of her classmates start turning up dead, leading her to believe that her father has come back looking for her. 95 pages - pdf, format

Rhonnie,

I made it to page 14 and then skimmed through the rest.

There are several big problems you need to address:

• Your dialogue is on-the-nose.  Everyone says exactly what they're thinking and they don't have any personality.
  
• Your writing is very mechanical.  You need to inject some passion into your words.
  
• You have unfilmables such as, "She is anxious because of her interest in meeting her boyfriend
  GORDON."  How do we know she's anxious?  How do we know who Gordon is?  You need to show us this information, not tell us.
  
• You have dialogue that goes nowhere.
  
• What kind of parents let their kids stay up until 'almost midnight'?
  

After skimming through the script I see you have a lot of people being stabbed, but I couldn't really find any kind of story to grab on to.  It might be that this is strictly a slasher film, which is fine, but it's not my cup of tea.

Come to think of it...I don't even like tea.  This isn't my bottle of tequila.

Learn to add subtext to dialogue, add some style to your action lines, and keep writing.

Jordan