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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Curiosity Moderators: bert
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  Author    Curiosity  (currently 2186 views)
Don
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 9:20am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Curiosity by Manolis Froudarakis (Athenian) - Short, Drama, Dark Something - A teenager explains why he and his friends committed a heinous crime. 3 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  August 26th, 2014, 3:31pm
revised draft
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CalebHart
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 9:44am Report to Moderator
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Not much here but it packed a gut-punch nevertheless.  A disturbingly sad social testament to today's twisted youth.

Your flashback slugs are bass ackwards.  Should be --

EXT. WOODS - OLD CABIN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
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LC
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 10:24am Report to Moderator
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You usually hit the nail on the head Manolis with surprise, funny or ironic endings. Unfortunately this one just didn't have quite enough going for it imh.  This just came across as too linear and with no twist in the tail.  As a three pager... or rather two, I think it just reads as incomplete. Unless of course I missed something.


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Athenian
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the comments, Caleb and Libby!

Well, the irony here is supposed to be that the victims are not recognizable, so the curiosity of the perpetrators will remain unsatisfied. But it seems that the idea needed better execution.

Thank you both for the read,
Manolis
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CalebHart
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
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SPOILER

The irony for me was that the teenager was more concerned (practically to the point of obsession) with learning the identity of the people in the cabin, more than he was over the fact that now he's facing a triple homicide charge.  Hilariously twisted and sad.

Needs no further explanation, IMO.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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It needs more. Not worth filming as is, in my opinion. Be better to investigate the theme over a few more pages.
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Athenian
Posted: July 5th, 2014, 12:17am Report to Moderator
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- Yes, Caleb, that was pretty much the idea. Thanks again!

- Hi, Dustin, thank you for the comment! Initially the script was one page longer, but then I thought it would be hard to be filmed (with the fire and all), so I decided to use only three quick flashbacks. But I'll probably revisit the idea sometime later.

Thank you all for the help!

Manolis
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DustinBowcot
Posted: July 5th, 2014, 12:20am Report to Moderator
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Fire can be added in later as an after effect. Also, sorry, I forget about the positives sometimes, well written, decent story... I just feel that it needs more.
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Athenian
Posted: July 6th, 2014, 5:13am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Dustin. I really appreciate your feedback.
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Athenian
Posted: May 6th, 2016, 8:57am Report to Moderator
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Here's the trailer for a film somewhat inspired by this script. The director wanted to shoot the original one initially, but developed it into something different, eventually. You can take a look:


Clueless Trailer-Vimeo from omar on Vimeo.

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