SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 11:51am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Guardians Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Guardians  (currently 1485 views)
Don
Posted: July 24th, 2014, 4:22pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Guardians episode 1x01 by Jesse Estes - Sci Fi, Fantasy - An alien ship appears in Earth orbit one day with no warning. Appearing to be unmanned, the nations of Earth quickly begin competing to be the first to get on board and access its advanced technology. 69 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
TonyDionisio
Posted: July 25th, 2014, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
Tennessee
Posts
768
Posts Per Day
0.20
Jesse,

Link to pdf does not work. The logline intrigued me even though it could include a mysterious stakes
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
rendevous
Posted: July 25th, 2014, 7:32pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Away

Location
Over there.
Posts
2354
Posts Per Day
0.43
Jesse,

Now I feel like Mr. White.

Don't know if your around so I'll keep it brief. Glad to say the link works now.

You need to lose the camera directions and do less telling. It'll be a lot easier for people to read if you do so.

Dialogue's not bad but too on the nose. People don't really talk like this.

R


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
LeeOConnor
Posted: February 23rd, 2015, 8:00am Report to Moderator
New



Location
UK
Posts
148
Posts Per Day
0.04
Hi Jesse,

I only read the first 10 pages so I can only go off that.

I agree with the comment made about the camera direction, it's not needed. Unless you are directing this movie.

There are a few mistakes in your descriptions, wrong tenses and things but nothing major.

I will say that when describing someone or something use specifics, for example - BLAKE, 40s, all american.

What is an all american? I'm sure there is not one generic looking all american, just like there isn't a typical looking Englishman, we need specifics.
All a person in there early 40s to someone in there late 40s, appearance wise may look totally different. I would suggest just typing early 40s or late 40s.

It's not terribly written at all, just needs looking over again.

It's very slow moving for a script of 69 pages, I would recommend making it more exciting at the beginning.

My final thought, your logline needs work. It reads awkwardly.

Hope this helps.

Lee O'Connor
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6891045/?ref_=fn_al_nm_2
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006