Torment of Conscience by ALI H.N.H - Short, Drama - When a man shoots a wolf, he does not realize yet which consequences this will have on the life of his family and himself.  12 pages - pdf, format

Hi Ali

I suspect that English isn't your first language?

The logline is a little awkward... try...
When a man shoots a wolf, he does not realise the unforseen consequences of his actions and the impact this will have on his life and his family.

You need to re-look at the script as there are a fair few typos and grammar issues. Also in the first couple of pages there's a couple of places where you've got Action lines formatted as Dialogue, these need fixing.

Also noticed that some of the dialogue sections are rather lengthy too, may be worth an edit to make them punchier.

I stopped at that point but happy to take another look when these issues are fixed.

Anthony

Hi,

This needs rewriting, Anthony has pointed out most of what is wrong with the script so I won't repeat.

The story is not bad it's just the delivery.

Good luck with this.

Lee

i wont repeat what is said but the story is interesting. needs major rewrite but your own to something here. maybe turn it to a full script?

good luck

- ugo