Dumped Man by James Shea - Short, Comedy - Tub has hit an all time low, dumped, very publicly but he's fine with that crap now cause now he's Dumped Man… 48 pages - pdf, format

Hey James - gave the first 10 pages a read, few thoughts...

48 pages is a little long for a short, is it worth expanding to a feature (you're about 40 pages away) or bringing it down some?

INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY. normal formatting for a slug is INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY. minor difference but easy to fix too.

DAVE, 35 year old man, - you don't really need 'year old man' as his gender is implied by his name, and 35 is very specific, more standard would be - DAVE (30s) or DAVE (mid 30s)

The start in the police cells feels a little odd as there is no reference to any police men/women in the interview rooms with them. Is this intentional?

Seems odd to mention that the restaurant has Michelin stars but not mention the name of it.

(Giving Tub a peck on the cheek) this should be an action line really and wrylies are always all lower case (no idea why).

Enough on formatting, all that stuff can be fixed pretty easily.

On the story

Was immeadiately interested in why they are there in superhero outfits, so you hooked me straight off.

I liked the idea of the 29th proposal and Tub's OTT reaction, good set up, and the esclating stakes with the family hiding upstairs worked in the comedic setup.

But I thought her blurting it out before they'd even started to eat seemed a little off, why the meal if that's what she's gonna do...  

Bringing her new guy in, whilst comedic, just seemed unlikely.

I think there's potential here though.

Anthony