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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Recluse Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 22nd, 2014, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Recluse by Jamal S. Grey - Drama - A dubious yuppie with little interest in the status quo seeks his own happiness. But to overcome American society, he must first conquer what’s in his own head. 96 pages - pdf, format


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GreenGecko
Posted: November 24th, 2014, 6:26am Report to Moderator
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Your logline is really vague. Going into this I don't really have any idea what to expect.  

It's competently written. Nothing sticks out or halts me, so I made it a little over half way. Realistic progression and dialogue. I got kind of a Mad Men vibe which I liked. My only worry is that the plot sort of moseys around and it's a little generic. It doesn't really have much propulsion early on. That said, that relaxed pace might be what you're going for and it's sort of reflects what the character is going through.

I like this slow build up of addiction and drugs. I think you handle that well.


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JamalG
Posted: November 25th, 2014, 8:03am Report to Moderator
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I appreciate you taking time to read and comment. You have reinforced some of my thoughts and I will use them in my next draft. It is definitely a slower build but reader's wont stay around if I don't keep them engaged so thanks.
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