Sign by Parker Sacavith - Short, Romance - {no logline} 6 pages - pdf, format

Parker,

A few things as I go:

• Pg. ?  You really should have a logline it you want anyone to read your script.  I go through and comment on scripts that have no replies.  That's why I read your script.  Most others won't.
  
• Pg. ?  You don't necessarily need a title page, but it helps.
  
• Pg. 1  Scene numbering isn't necessary in a spec script like this.  If you're going to direct it, then sure, you can do pretty much anything you want.  If that's the case, then good for you.
  
• Pg. 1  Your dialogue is on-the-nose and too stiff.
  
• Pg. 1  Nobody has an age.  It really helps the reader when you let them know the ages of your characters.
  
• Pg. 2  Marcus opens the door with a loud thud but then tries sneakily sit in the back?  That doesn't make sense.
  
• You need to spell check your script before posting it.  "Daria become", "[U+0092]"
  
• Pg.  4  Why does Daria go to Yoshimi's house and then run up to her room?  I think your slug should read "DARIA'S HOUSE"
  
• You really don't need the "CONTINUED" at the top and bottom of each page.  We know the script continues.
  
• Proofread.  You have words that need to be capitalized, you have Unicode mixed in with your text, you have capitalized letters that shouldn't be, among other errors.
  
• You don't need the link for the YouTube video in your script.
  
• It seems kind of coincidental that Daria is signing the lyrics to a Smiths song and a deaf girl happens to see it, and she happens to be a Smiths fan too.
  
• You need a "FADE OUT." or "THE END" at the end of your script.  As it is right now, it looks like an unfinished script.
  

Congratulations on writing a script, but you have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to get some more reads and feedback.  

I recommend reading other people's scripts and commenting on them.  Quid pro quo and all.

Jordan

I agree with most of the above.

I would recommend a logline to generate more reads.
I would also recommend a title page, it's professional and should have an email or something to contact you should anyone want to take it on, otherwise what is the point of posting it on this site.

There are a number of mistakes with this script I noticed.

"You hear a metronome in the background. It is keeping perfect time. On DARIA in her bed"

There is no need for the "you hear" so it could easily be "a metronome sounds in the background" or just simply "a metronome ticks"

Daria needs an age, or some kind or description.

"Her alarm goes off, the alarm sound is asleep by the smiths"

This is awkward, what do you mean the alarm sound is asleep by the smiths? For a reader not knowing what the Smiths is Daria could be in bed with a family called the smiths for all they know.
But then you explain a few scenes later in class that she is reading The Encyclopedia of Morrissey and The Smiths, this should be on the first scene which is next to her alarm.

There a number of typos and simples ones at that.
We've all made typos and grammatical errors before, especially myself, but that's only due to not reading my work before posting it. Get a fresh pair of eyes to look at your work, they will quickly point out the mistakes you have made. Even Tarantino has a reader before he has someone to look at his work.

Read other scripts on here and take what other people say about your work in a positive way.
I believe in this industry negative comments are what make you a better writer.
If it wasn't for these guys commenting on some of my work then my scripts would never stand a chance of getting produced.

All the best

Lee