Atlantis Heights by Duke Rightious - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A resident, no-nonsense real estate agent for an underwater city (created after the melting of the polar ice caps) struggles against forces of nature and nefarious outside dwellers to find long-hidden items that can change the course of past, present and future events. 61 pages - pdf, format

Writer,

your title is awesome.

"They say the oceans are where it
all began. A simple one celled
organism created by, who knows, a
lightning bolt?"

Without any research: Isn't the most public imagination about the origin of life, that minerals with potential for organic matter (within our planet's basic substance) were set free when asteroids' (ice) crashed down here and the water mixxed everything up? Keyword: Primordial soup.

Never heard about a theory of lightning bolts. Just saying: I hope you're aware of that your stuff needs to hold stand not less than the status quo of our best scientists' knowledge.

"He is humming and singing as he goes through the water."

Okay, songs are not that important most times. But here, in a post apocalyptic world, I would really want to know which cultural song survived, that he likes to sing. I also think this is very important to characterize Damien.

I like the first scene very much. It works.

"Andrea hits a button to speak with JOHN ROBINSON, the man
who hired her and lives in a BOBBER (a free-floating single
family dwelling) near Atlantis Heights"

You have several descriptions where you explain things like that. As a viewer I wouldn't have a chance to follow your story like that. Sure, if the vision is as big as yours here, I understand you have to cheat a bit to make us comprehend those circumstances - Still, make it better.

Finished the first ten. I like your concept so far. I'm so much hoping this CSI, NAVY CIS, detective, lawyer- crime series era is going to stop soon. I can't take it anymore.
Your concept is something with which I'd like to have replace all those repititive stuffs.

If I see it right, you're also going for a social plot of relationships like a soap opera within SCIFI. Great.

What I disliked. Those drifters, who still live over the water surface -> How do they look like?

Second: The establishing shot of Atlantis Heights could be more detailed. I mean when we follow this tube downwards, isn't seeing Atlantis Heights the most crazy WTF moment imaginable within your story. I wouldn't mind if you even write a really big description block about the look on this place. How big is it? Are there people walking around inside those bubbles? How do the buildings look like? Is it all transparent, or does the society hides themselves behind curtains as we do today? You know? What characterizes this society?
@add: More visuals at all. Inside Andrea's buraue f.e., there could be a calender showing the date, or a landscape which shows the globe's entirely blue now and so and so on - more of that

A very intriguing read. Again, the title is phenomenal interesting.

If you show you're around here, I definetely would like to read on or discuss your play if you want to.

Did you misspell your last name on purpose? If so, why?