SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 6:59pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Elizabeth Bennet is Dead! Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
D.A.Banaszak and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Elizabeth Bennet is Dead!  (currently 1379 views)
Don
Posted: January 12th, 2015, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Elizabeth Bennet is Dead! by Edith Woi - Comedy - A beauty underdog marries the most sought after celebrity in the world after impersonating royalty, but struggles with the consequences of getting her dream. 98 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  February 1st, 2015, 11:35am
Revised draft
Logged Online
Site Private Message
AdrianWollaston
Posted: March 24th, 2015, 2:50am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Port Macquarie, Australia
Posts
12
Posts Per Day
0.00

Quoted Text
Her lunch box labelled “Vegan Couscous Tagine” is layed
trickling In her “Inbox”. The scent wafts across the rest
of the office. Other office workers walk by and sniff as
if smelling inside of a French cheese shop.

Can we see the scent waft across the room and even if we could how do we know what they are sniffing at when they pass her. It works in a novel but not a script.


Quoted Text
Like in “White Wedding” song video, a woman in a white
bride dress walks down aisle in the church.

That's an inside reference that Billy Idols fans will get, but nobody else. Leave it out and just use the rest of the sentence.


Quoted Text
Alexander McQueen custom-made suit

Does it have the name on the back in 3 inch letters. This is starting to sound like a Brett Easton Ellis novel.


Quoted Text
POLLY
I prefer FOWLER. FOWLER by
name, and FOULER by nature.

Say that line in a movie and more than half the audience won't get the alternate spelling joke. It's only funny in writing.


Quoted Text
POLLY
(CONT’D)
People like you are just
trying to be me down.

Did you mean 'beat me'?


Quoted Text
She turns to her computer monitor. A REMINDER is on her
screen.

You said it was covered in Post-It Notes.


Quoted Text
She quickly sits back down, pulls her swivel chair close to
her desk, throws shoes underneath out the way and falls
back in her seat.

Sitting down twice, without getting up in between sitting down, isn't easy. Did you mean to say she leant back heavily?


Quoted Text
POLLY
(CONT’D)
Oh crap! I have to take
meeting minutes at the Board
Meeting!

It's clumsy. Drop the first 'meeting'.


Quoted Text
POLLY
(CONT’D)
Sorry about being late. You
might have heard the news
reports...

She already apologised when she walked in the room.


Quoted Text
She takes her finger and pushes Peter’s nose to the side,
Peter wipes his face.
She walks away and turns to Peter.
POLLY
(CONT’D)
Oops. Did I remember to wash
my hands just doing a Nr. 2?

NO!!! Sorry about the ALL CAPS but that's a very juvenile joke (It's number two not Nr. 2)

Didn't read any more. Needs a lot of revision but for some reason I think you might be able to carry it off. Maybe she can narrate her own story. You could see if you could find a few videos, on YouTube, from a 60s movie, Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush. Barry Evans spoke to camera all through the movie so we had an insight into his emotions. It was a great movie in it's day and very sexy.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006