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Terror in the City by Tony Batchelor - Horror - A young man struggles to learn the truth of his father's death behind his name becoming an urban legend. His soul is vastly becoming overtaken by his father's spirit from Hell!!! 89 pages - pdf, format
You have a passive voice in your second sentence, see if you can't combine the two.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
You need to go back and edit this. You have huge blocks of action that bogs down the read and your dialog is too on the nose. On page 5 you have dialog and action bleeding together. What software are you using?
Is the abbreviation A.A.for African American? That's a new one.
Good thing you specify that you own your own incorporated picture company located on the first floor. You can make this movie and overlook the script errors. I recommend firing your proof readers, however.
Tony i read and i liked your script; very inbound into the gory slanders of the community, i guess a child molester never is an easy subject to touch. but has a good motion in the plotline and hellish end. whenever you write something else let me know about it. You can find me by my horror script curst or the thriller 'On the road Thanks.