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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Singularity Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 21st, 2015, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Singularity by Alipikre R. Basher - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Under the personal direction of President Frank Martin, NASA and Harvard scientists try to prove the singularity theory. But finding the particles of dark matter and dark energy proves elusive. President Martin's only hope is his family from a different race of human beings whose planet is facing extinction from a black hole. 141 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 29th, 2015, 10:30pm
revised draft
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LeeOConnor
Posted: January 22nd, 2015, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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Hi writer,

Just before I start digging into your script, I read the first two slugs, there is no such thing as a day or night in outer space. Day and night only occurs on a planet where a sun obits it creating day and night.

I would recommend turning the first two description into one. Not only that I would lose the special effects and the directing shots. It's not needed and I assume you don't intend to direct this feature.

Also your logline needs work. And reads as if there are two stories rolled into one.

Any way, I shall continue reading.

Lee
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AlipikreB
Posted: February 11th, 2015, 1:06am Report to Moderator
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Thank you for your great ideas.
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