Seconds Count by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A supreme court justice must pass a test or risk losing his wife. 12 pages - pdf, format

I like that you are making a statement with this but I do think you should consider whittling it down to 11 pages.  Then trimming down to 10.  JMHO.

You could do this by taking out the redundancies in description(s) such as:    From the other side slips MELISSA, 45, alluring, looks 10years younger, a trophy wife.  -- Instead:  MELISSA 45, trophy wife.  

Another instance:   WALTER, 50, as plain as dirt, a man who projects no particular persona.
--- plain as dirt and no particular persona are telling me telling me the same thing just using different words.  Doesn't really add anything.---> little things like that can be 86'd w/o hurting the actual overall story (which I liked).  ***You introduce the scenario on page one ---couple comes home to find an invader---but then there's a 4 page back and forth that occurs before you introduce the 2nd amendment angle.  It would be cool to see some of this banter cut down on a little bit to get us to the "point" sooner.

Other than that, maybe have Walter holding the gun on Tanner and Melissa as soon as they enter the home---because I  would expect to see a different reaction from a couple walking into their house to find a stranger standing there.  Know what I mean?  What would you do?  You walk inside and find an unarmed man standing in your house?  For me, I wouldn't engage him with a question, I'd be running outside to call the cops---unless he's pointing a gun at me. *But I could be wrong.

I was a little confused by the 'gun safe' part.  Was it the Judges gun safe or did Walter bring it?

Also:  I'm not sure what two GLOSSY dogs means.  

Anyway, that's all I got   Hope it helps.  Thanks for sharing

Code They break to face WALTER, 50, as plain as dirt, a man who projects no particular persona. The dogs sniff and pant at Walter’s feet. TANNER Who are you, and what are you doing in my house? WALTER Call me Walter, and I’m here to teach a lesson--or to learn one. TANNER Well, Walter, I’m afraid you’re trespassing. I have to ask you to leave. WALTER I’m afraid I can’t do that. TANNER I don’t want any trouble. Just leave, and we’ll forget about the trespass. WALTER If I leave, no one will have learned anything.

Walter is too nondescript. Is he wearing a suit? Is it a nice cut? The way he is dressed and presented would determine Tanner's next move.

I think Walter needs to be authoritative from the outset. So cut all of the dialogue and move into action. As soon as they turn, they have a gun in their face. Then he may ask some dumb questions, like what do you want? Keep the dialogue short and to the point. These kind of situations are wrought with tension... sometimes no dialogue works far better.

Code Melissa begins to moan, afraid.

Just a personal bug of mine... does she begin to moan and then stop? Why can't she just moan? Or maybe she moans? So it's repetitive.

I read through it and it's a good story with a strong message. This is the strongest work I've seen from you so far. I don't agree with the message shared, but I still think this should get made. I'd simply cut a lot of the early dialogue then run through and tidy up the rest.

Nice job.

Thank you very much for the comments.  I agree.  Too much chat before the action begins.  descriptions need clean up.  I have a bad habit of using 'bgins to' instead of just jumping into the verb.  Thanks for spotting.  

Best
Richard