SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 3:49am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bloom Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 18 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Bloom  (currently 1651 views)
Don
Posted: January 30th, 2015, 6:18pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Bloom by Jean-Pierre Chapoteau - Short, Drama - An inner city kid proves what he's made of in a rap battle. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 30th, 2015, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4319
Posts Per Day
1.14
I'm a white middle class Brit, and I always had a thing for rap... so loved this

Great visuals and dialogue throughout, my only suggestion would be for a little more setup of the Darnel and Tori relationship.i

Good job

Anthony




Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 12
Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: January 30th, 2015, 10:11pm Report to Moderator
New


I write.

Location
Atlanta, GA
Posts
110
Posts Per Day
0.02
Thanks Anthony!

Lol, I'm happy a white middle aged Brit can appreciate it, lol.


I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 12
RichardR
Posted: February 1st, 2015, 4:10pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.26
Jean-Pierre,

If a comment makes a point and don't stink up the joint, then own it like a jewel and don't believe the fool.

I am no expert on hip-hop or rap, so I can't give you much feedback on that.  But this is an enjoyable read.  I think you captured the flavor of such a rap battle.  Good job.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 12
Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 9:42am Report to Moderator
New


I write.

Location
Atlanta, GA
Posts
110
Posts Per Day
0.02
Thanks Richard,

I'm glad a person that's not a fan of Hip Hop cold enjoy it. That's what really matters.


I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 12
DustinBowcot
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 12:15pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I am a fan of Hip Hop and I liked it. I like the way you write, you have a natural flow. Storywise, this probably wouldn't win many prizes, but the way it was told is something special.

Nice work.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 5 - 12
Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 12:22pm Report to Moderator
New


I write.

Location
Atlanta, GA
Posts
110
Posts Per Day
0.02
Thanks Dustin. I appreciate your comments, man.


I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 12
khamanna
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 1:32pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
4194
Posts Per Day
0.79
Hey, JeanPierre. I loved everything about it. Great story and really well written. I loved the rap. Hey I know. You should rap!! No seriously...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 12
DebbieM
Posted: February 11th, 2015, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
23
Posts Per Day
0.01
Nice. This was really cool.
The dialogue was sharp and the rap was awesome. Great short!

Debz
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 12
MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 13th, 2015, 5:04am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
2335
Posts Per Day
0.59
Jean-Pierre

That was great, what a very pleasant surprise. I too am a white boy from the semi-undangerous streets of the UK and yet you took me into that world and made me believe it. Love the rapping, loved the surprise twist and a great line at the end to finish it off.

Brilliant!

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 12
Ectoplasm
Posted: February 18th, 2015, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
New


Can I have a sip?

Location
Hill Valley
Posts
102
Posts Per Day
0.02
Loved it, Jean. Found a minor typo on page 4 where it reads "Jeff face screams", but aside from that I struggle to offer any criticism. Fast and funny read with some well written raps to boot. Really liked how the last line tied in as well, good work.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 12
Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: February 26th, 2015, 2:41am Report to Moderator
New


I write.

Location
Atlanta, GA
Posts
110
Posts Per Day
0.02
Wow, I really appreciate the comments guys. Will definitely check out that typo, Ecto.

I'm happy I successfully took you guys into a word you're not familiar with.  Believe it or not, I actually edited down a ton of slang so the readers wouldn't get too lost, lol. I'm glad you guys were able to follow it.


I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 12
Colkurtz8
Posted: March 3rd, 2015, 9:09am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
--> Over There
Posts
1731
Posts Per Day
0.30
Jean

This was great, no issues really both in story and execution. Technically it was solid.

The raps were sharp and funny, a tricky thing to take on but you pulled it off. Its obviously something you were confident about.

I was wondering too why he would've hung himself out to dry like that with the, shall we say, "pointed" tone of his raps...and embrace the inevitable beat-down. I also questioned why Jeff hadn't called him on it when reading over his page before entering the house but the last scene explains why and the closing line in particular was a great tie in.

Col.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 12
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006