Texas Toast by Jon Poland (JonP) - Drama - A young man struggles to find meaning in his life as he grapples with a series of obstacles and coincidences. 109 pages - pdf, format

SPOILERS

The opening scene of driving through urban collapse and the later glimpse of tornado devastation are going to be very powerful on screen --  David's memory, or changing memories, of these images, as the story develops, could be interesting.

There are many charming characters in the story, maybe more than are needed -- at times the script read like a series of episodes about the supporting characters instead of David -- and we lose momentum.  

Some scenes (at the retreat, especially) are built on long paragraphs of dialogue, it's well written dialogue and significant to plot development but not practical, I think --  sound systems in movie theatres rarely do justice to long paragraphs of dialogue.

In the closing pages it seems that Colt is called Rick?

I hope that is a sign that this is an early draft and that a revision will be forthcoming.  I'll look forward to reading it!

Quoted Text The opening scene of driving through urban collapse and the later glimpse of tornado devastation are going to be very powerful on screen --  David's memory, or changing memories, of these images, as the story develops, could be interesting.

Thanks.  Normally my screenwriting is dialog-driven and for this one I wanted to play more with imagery.

Quoted Text There are many charming characters in the story, maybe more than are needed -- at times the script read like a series of episodes about the supporting characters instead of David -- and we lose momentum.

Yeah, I think Bert needs to go and Ben needs to get trimmed way back.  Not what I wanted to hear, but definitely what I needed to hear (which is the best kind of advice).

Quoted Text Some scenes (at the retreat, especially) are built on long paragraphs of dialogue, it's well written dialogue and significant to plot development but not practical, I think --  sound systems in movie theatres rarely do justice to long paragraphs of dialogue.

Good point.  I'll see what I can do to break that up (or in Ben's case, eliminate it).

Quoted Text In the closing pages it seems that Colt is called Rick?

Oops!  I originally called him Rick, then switched to Colt.  Forgot to do a Find/Replace.

Quoted Text I hope that is a sign that this is an early draft and that a revision will be forthcoming.  I'll look forward to reading it!

Thanks!  This was helpful.