Greets From Counter-Earth by Irina Derevko - Short, Sci Fi - A space probe launched in 1977 named Voyager One, contrary to its original mission of reaching intelligent life far away, returns. - pdf, format

(Revised comments)

Sorry to say this misses the mark.

I do like your idea of using Voyager.

The science is a bit off, though. Voyager only recently left our solar system, which means the same would be true of your "counter" probe. It couldn't reach our Earth in the time frame you specify.

When it  lands near Nicky ( quite a coincidence), she has to go look for blueprints? Why not online?

Professor Kyle sounds like a robot spouting 1990s science.

Other problems, too, but this gives you a sample.

Henry

This wasn't the easiest script to follow and I suspect English may not be your first language?

I did however persevere to the end and thought the idea of the Voyager's crossing in space/time was good one and the final sequence would look good on screen with the multiverse multiplying on screen.

This might work if with a re-write or two.

Anthony

Grandpa/George needed at least a little description (age?)

a few typos.

IMO, the dialogue for the narrator was off the mark. It didn't sound genuine (i.e., not something someone narrating a serious science show would say).

The dual dialogue segment was a bit tedious - one or at the most two repeats of the same line would have done it.

I got lost a bit in the gold shard plot point.

I very much liked the premise of the Voyager being sent back.

Urban Legend: unclear.

In fact, this piece plays around with science fiction and or science theory more than the OWC theme of urban Legends. While I'll give some minor props to the fact that the story makes up an urban legend within the alternate universe, it isn't quite the same thing.

Does the ending not actually support the multiverse theory instead of the counter-earth theory?

Not sure if I understood the ending, not entirely sure if I want to either because the script read really dense. A few obvious mistakes that stood out as well, needed another read for sure.

The whole two Earth angle doesn't really evoke anything here, Another Earth is a film that does it kind of right, but still falls on its ass. Use that as a base for your own script, there's no emotional crutch here, and no relatability either, but of which would at least help the audience connect with something. Needs some work.

Code GEORGE Yeah. Have I told you about the Voyager project? NICKY That spacecraft going nowhere?

OTN. Doesn't come across as realistic dialogue.

I read through it all... but I didn't really understand the point. Is this story saying that the multiverse theory is a fact?

Misses the mark for me.

I must confess I couldn't follow this one.  I didn't get the connection between the returning Voyager probe and the multiverse.  A piece of the golden record just happens to drop at Nicky's feet?  That's some amazing coincidence.  As another poster mentioned,  this is probably written by someone whose first language isn't English, as evidenced by the title "Greets from Counter-Earth."  I thought it was a good idea to go with sci-fi on this challenge, but was this story actually based on an urban legend or just some scientific theory?

greets

aha a space one. i know a writer who likes space.

logline wise i rather like this. nice sense of mystery. lets see…

i like the concept but ti was a bit slow getting there, and i think there is the opportunity of a twist, like they are almost the same, but not quiet etc

as the other earth has been done before in several films i suppose what you should do is to try and find some other angle. has potential

all the best

Interesting concept, and a great way to potentially illustrate it (two Voyagers and two Earths - reaching each other at the same time.)

The writing on this one is pretty rough - probably due in large part to the rush of the OWC.  But it would be worth revisiting this script when all is over, and smoothing and developing this one more!

Cheers and kudos,

J (W)

Hm... I don't know what to make of this one.  It's a good premise, but it's unclear what legend it borrows from, if any.  The interlinking between planets is intriguing and, although I didn't quite understand all of it, I did get a few things about the counter-earth time-warp thingy of them coinciding at a specific juncture.

It's a solid effort, but rather confusing in some portions.

Pretty decent entry though.  A few clean-ups here or there would do it wonders.

This one relies too much on explanations and coincidence.  It sounds as if the little girl is forced into what she does, instead of responding to what is happening.  And there is no real payoff.  so there are multiple verions of her.  Who cares?  If it presented a real problem for her and for earth, well, now you have some conflict.  It matters.  

Best
Richard

Well, looking at the title, I have to wonder if it's a misspelled typo, a slang, or...WTF?

As I dove in, it became very clear this was written by an immature, probably young kid, who doesn't speak or write English, as their primary language.

But, I read the whole thing.

Commenting on the hundreds of mistakes on the pages is useless.

Commenting on the fact that this isn't even based on an RL is also useless.

Commenting on the countless redonkulous plot points, inane dialogue, and whacky story is also useless.

But you know what?  It's rather cute how it wraps up, and leaves a nice, child-like feeling in my heart, so kudos on that.  

This one was all right. It was all over the place and the dialogue was rough, in places. I was kind of wondering if, before writing this, you had watched the The X-Files episode, "SB 819" which has a scene very similar to the opening of this. In that, they're even listening to that record, as well. However, what you have isn't an urban legend which is disappointing because I think this could be pretty good on its own.

C.