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Hallowed Be Thy Name by Thomas Kenneth Williams - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Heaven and Hell at war when Son of Satan replaces Christ on the Cross, Modern day American adventure with biblical locations… 105 pages - pdf, format
Hi all. Please feel free to do an honest rating. Or comment on what you think needs a change and or edit. I understand the scripts concept and YES it is very controversial. However it is not a slur on any Religious sect what so ever. It is purely a fantasy story meant for entertainment purposes only. Would love to read you're views and advise on how to better my script.
Thanks in Advance to any who have the time to even flick through a 107 page script.
Understand, constructive criticism is acceptable, if it helps me to further edit said script, I implore honest and reliable opinions..
Is Ken the author of this script? Credit is to Thomas.
Ok,
I'm not sure this should be included as SCI-FI.
The writing style is good, polished. I'm not sure if spending so much time with the flashback is a good idea. You need to get the ball rolling faster, IMO.
20 pages in and I can't see anyone I want to focus on as far as an interesting character. God and the devil don't count.
I think this suffers from over-written a bit. Again, the writing is solid. And again, by 20 pages in I don't see an objective. I know set up is important, but...
Judging from the poor grammar in your post, I was expecting a badly written script, but, after reading a few pages, that isn't the case at all. You write well. It doesn't sound like my kind of story though, so I'll not read any further.
Judging from the poor grammar in your post, I was expecting a badly written script, but, after reading a few pages, that isn't the case at all. You write well. It doesn't sound like my kind of story though, so I'll not read any further.
Welcome to the site.
Yes, typing on a phone is very much different from typing on a laptop..
Is Ken the author of this script? Credit is to Thomas.
Ok,
I'm not sure this should be included as SCI-FI.
The writing style is good, polished. I'm not sure if spending so much time with the flashback is a good idea. You need to get the ball rolling faster, IMO.
20 pages in and I can't see anyone I want to focus on as far as an interesting character. God and the devil don't count.
I think this suffers from over-written a bit. Again, the writing is solid. And again, by 20 pages in I don't see an objective. I know set up is important, but...
I'll pass at this point.
GL with the scirpt.
Tony
Hi, my name is Thomas Kenneth. I get called Ken by all..
Flipping through your revision I'm still seeing a lot of unnecessary action blocks that slow down the read considerably. Stuff like clothing, etc. Unless a specific set of garb has something important in relation to moving the story forward, I would remove it.
You are coming in at 111pgs. Opinions vary on the subject but I believe every story can be told within 90-98.
I take the position that unless it has an integral reason in moving the story forward, it is unnecessary. Movies have a wardrobe dept that has way more experience than the writers do. Leave it up to them. Good characters are remembered for what they say anf do, not necessarily what they wear unless its unusual.
Hi, Ken. I must say this is an interesting story you've created here. Stories like this where religion is turned upside down on its head has always interested me, The Last Temptation of Christ being a prime example.
The chemistry between Dievil and Jezebel was entertaining. My only problem was that I didn't have anyone to cheer for in the first half of the script.
I like your writing style, but as TonyDionisio pointed out, the descriptive writing could be condensed. This would easily bring your page count down to a reasonable number. Coincidentally, I suffer from a similar problem with my descriptive writing and I am trying to improve.
Again, it's an interesting story. Just tighten up the descriptive writing and introduce and identify the protagonist earlier in the story.
Hi, Ken. I must say this is an interesting story you've created here. Stories like this where religion is turned upside down on its head has always interested me, The Last Temptation of Christ being a prime example.
The chemistry between Dievil and Jezebel was entertaining. My only problem was that I didn't have anyone to cheer for in the first half of the script.
I like your writing style, but as TonyDionisio pointed out, the descriptive writing could be condensed. This would easily bring your page count down to a reasonable number. Coincidentally, I suffer from a similar problem with my descriptive writing and I am trying to improve.
Hi, Kevin.
Script should be ready for a third up-load shortly. Glad you like controversial subjects.
Cheers Kev
Thomas Kenneth Williams. (Ken)
Again, it's an interesting story. Just tighten up the descriptive writing and introduce and identify the protagonist earlier in the story.
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Hallowed Be Thy Name
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