Willard House by Brad Harris - Short, Fantasy - When a high school jock picks on one of the new kids in school, a rebellious teenager makes a bet with him to spend one night in a haunted house.  11 pages - pdf, format

Code INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY Students scurry about as many try to get to their lockers or try to make it to class.

It isn't worded very well.

Students stampede toward lockers and various classrooms.

Write as actively as you can. Trying to make this and trying to make that is very poor. Not a good sign for your opening page.

Code INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY BRANDON, 17, walks through the hallway, wearing his patented Blue and White letter jacket, followed by other football jocks. As he walks through the hallway, students clear a path for him.

Hallway is in the slug. We already know we're in the hallway so you're repeating information a further twice in the action.

Students clear a path as, BRANDON (17), swaggers past with a
gang of football JOCKS.

Brad,

Comments can be scary.  Read by daylight.

Skip the opening scene. It doesn't add anything. Get to the hallway. The hallway scene has been done a thousand times. Try to make it unique.  Update it by using a digital lock or a lock opened by an app or add a third or fourth party to,the fray or make the bully a girl.  Your audience knows this scene.  Give them a reason to keep watching

Same goes for the haunted house. Make your haunted house special. Make your witch special. Perhaps the girl really was a witch and even now toys with men's feelings.

Familiar stories generally need something unfamiliar in order to hold someone's interest.  Keep,writing.

Best
Richard