Non-Disclosure by Steve Meredith - Short - At a clandestine meeting following a horrific airplane disaster, the president's Chief of Staff learns of information withheld from top U.S. administration officials.  The new information points to terrorist activity being the cause of the tragedy, and to make matters worse, it appears that the perpetrator is still on the run.  12 pages - pdf, format

Steve,

Luckily or unluckily,comments are not classified.

First, a formatting issue. You introduce characters with CAPS.  

The writing is mostly ok.  Small errors that you can fix on a rewrite. My problems lie with the story. First, why the special room?  I'm guessing homeland's director has a secure office.  Further, the pres doesn't come to homeland, homeland comes to the pres. I'lol buy the situation room in the wh basement.  That makes sense.

A couple other technical issues. Can a person bail out I a jet at 35000 ft.  At 500 mph?  Not without a special suit?  Are there parachutes on a commercial plane, and how would our pilot get one on board?  Along with bomb parts?  Wouldn't the flight recorder note any door opening prior to explosion?  If the folks on the plane suffocated, would there be any sounds on the tape?

I find it hard to believe. That the head of homeland would withhold info concerning the pilot and his possible   survival. All law enforcement would be all over the pilot and his family and friends. There would be no reason to keep the events secret. While they might suppose the pilot died, wouldn't they investigate a possible survival?

Bottom line, while I appreciate the effort and support the axing of the director, I find the plot too full of holes.

Best
Richard

Hey, Steve

Your premise insist on a politlcal-suspense/thriller. I'm all about it. Already, though, while I don't have an issue with the premise, particulary, I'll be interested in what "new" information will be presented in the script that's not in the premise.


B'B