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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Mistakes Happen Moderators: bert
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  Author    Mistakes Happen  (currently 752 views)
Don
Posted: July 22nd, 2015, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Mistakes Happen by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A Loser plots to bilk the city out of millions of dollar - pdf, format


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 5:59pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Richard - owe you a read or sevem

Loved this, the interpleay between the current scene in the park and the flashbacks is well handled imho and the slow realisation of what is happening is great, dark and sad, but great.

So my only couple of niggles...

The news piece that gives him his inspiration seems a little shoe horned, could you get away with no explicit reference?

The very end... why do they shoot him when waving a phone round, but not someone who has a gun and appears to have just shot someone? I think this needs a better rationale.

Good work though, quick read and great concept.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Forgive
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 7:08pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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does bilk mean milk?
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RichardR
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony,  thanks for the read and the notes.  Satisfactory endings are hard.

Bilk is akin to scam or cheat.

Richard
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