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The Colony by Andrew Herlan - Action, Adventure - A collection of planets that millions of earthlings colonize, accessed through a wormhole. After aliens attack Earth, the colony is cut off from their home when the wormhole is destroyed, leaving them hundreds of travel years away. Ten years later, a cop who lost his family in the invasion investigates a mysterious death that leads to a strange conspiracy involving the invasion and the prophecy of a new religion. 100 pages - pdf, format
This is pretty cool. I like your writing style. Haven't decided if I would watch this in a theater. Reads like a good book but in a screenplay style. Read a book like that once. Nice job at creating tone with your words, feels film noir. I get a bit of Blade Runner. By page 12 I would expect to know what the point is and maybe this branium dead guy is it. We'll see.
She takes a moment. NINA Did you just call me ugly?
That's funny
SEBASTIAN, late 20’s, impeccably dressed and very muscular, stands in the back of the hall. He looks over the crowd with a wary eye. Occasionally his head twitches absently. Somethin’ not right with this boy.
JACKSON Then that’s the place to look. I’ll get a team together. Ben stops him. BEN They went out there for a purpose. They’d see us comin’ a mile away. Jackson realizes something. JACKSON So you’re going to go alone. I’m glad I’m not your momma. I’d probably have died of stress years ago.
INT. MAR COMPOUND The big man steps down a walkway, though the steam. Comes upon Cliff who looks up to something. SEBASTIAN Well, this is it. I thought it was a bit crazy at first. But I really do believe him. And just imagine what it�ll be like afterwards. We�ll be heroes. Gods. Sebastian smiles wickedly. The other man glances to a side area and sees Mar and Cremental as they speak at the window of a room above. HALFORD I don�t think that�s what your father had in mind. SEBASTIAN Of course he does. That�s all he ever has in mind. And if he doesn�t---I do. The big goon walks off as Cliff sighs.
You have two characters here, Halford and Sebastian...and Cliff and the other man. The big man and goon I get, but still...
Finished. Disappointing, feels like running a race, starting off well, then midway through starting to fade then finishing in the back of the pack.
Weak at the end and I didn't get any sense of conflict. I think it's because Ben doesn't have an adversary matching his level. The alien and Ben, what's the point of that? There is no urgency about this bomb or any consequences from using it. In the end it doesn't matter anyway. You have Ben clue finding then conveniently it's all wrapped up. I didn't feel that anything was at stake here and it finishes with nothing ever being at stake.
The writing style seemed to fade as well. I called it noir up front then simple action at the end.
Overall I like the way you write and I pointed out what I find distracting. Hope you figure out how to get back on track.