Twisters by Noah Pfister - Short, Horror, Comedy - In this short film, we see a parody of the zombie genre, where instead of zombies, we get the twisters. Small creatures that wobble around and twist people's nipples. In a world like this, it seems really hard for these five survivors to not only survive these creatures, but also themselves. 32 pages - pdf, format

Noah,

Sorry, I couldn't get through this.  The writing reads immature and needs work.  A face doesn't 'lighten up,' it 'lights up'.  Lighten would mean something different.  There are other mistakes also.  

And the story line doesn't interest me either.  It's not a parody I would appreciate. I suggest you read more scripts and study the writing and why it works.  I also suggest you find a writer better than yourself who can help you become better.

Best
Richard

It sounds quite funny. I actually like the concept. It would make kids laugh... even, perhaps, a few adults. I think this needs to be condensed though. There's only so far the nipple twister joke will go. Not badly written.

Whatever the point/punchline of this is, get to it quicker. I can't see a nipple joke lasting more than 10 pages.

Quoted from DustinBowcot I can't see a nipple joke lasting more than 10 pages.

This should be your signature from now on!

What a sad world it would be if the mention of nipples didn't bring a smile to one's face.

The writing is fairly solid.

The story isn't for me at all.

This is one of my favorite character introductions:

Quoted Text This is TERESA: The Slut.

My honest sense was that the talent here deserves a better premise. That's just me. Please don't consider the critique as tit for tat

Quoted from eldave1 Please don't consider the critique as tit for tat

Or nipple for nipple.