All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
A husband drowning in grief and guilt and his despondent wife struggle to save their marriage and restore their lives in an unconventional manner, after the loss of their only son.
...I can on my humble Asus laptop. Stupid tablet syndrome methinks. Is it a snobby, bigoted, elitist (but oh so sleek) product of Apple Inc. by any chance?
Stupid Tablet Syndrome - ha, very good, Col. But, no it isn't one of those actually. Sorry in advance for the rant but I try to stay away from over inflated priced products and companies employing child labour who are paid a pittance. Still, who am I kidding mine probably comes from the same type of factory right next door.
I don't know, it's not usually temperamental - I love my tablet, best Chrissy present last year, ever! And get this: I bought a fancy phone and then another semi-fancy phone and both of them broke, so I bought an antique flip phone on ebay. I wish they'd bring back flips and just update them a little. End rant.
Steven - I watched this. First, congrats on getting this to film - nice feat.
SPOILERS AHEAD
I have often driven by these types of memorials. In Los Angeles, there are quite a few of them and for the past year - one on mine own street. Each time I drive by it I think, man - what is it going to be like the day they have to finally take it down. Long winded way of saying I think the premise of the film is A++. It really is quite poignant.
I had a reluctant tear (you know - because I'm a man and we don't cry at the end. Always a good litmus test. The emotional mark was hit.
I questioned the whole "combination" thing up front in the movie (i.e., why would it be a barrier to removing the bike) - but completely got it at the end. A very, very nice tie up.
The background music at the end of the film was spot on.
Things I would consider changing:
I would delete the entire scene of the father sleeping while grilling burgers. It adds nothing and IMO takes away from the thread of the film. It was a real bump in the road for me.
I thought the bike needed to be a little bit more worn/damaged then it was.
I didn't like that the little boy who got the bike didn't quite recognize Melinda at first site - you had already established that they were close neighbors.
I would have liked the combination (1720 if I recall right) should have been a number that had some meaning to the family (e.g., the boys birthday. the date the Paul and Melinda finally address the grieving, - something like that).
The above are nits. Overall - a compelling look into to a family that must find the strength to stop the grieving process and start the healing process. Well done, Squire.
Thanks very much for posting. It should be noted that I never asked, Don just did it. Don -- you're kinda like our father round here, and we're your children! Thanks again.
Pia, thanks for the clarifying comments.
Libby -- looking forward to your thoughts! Thanks.
Dave and Dustin -- thanks for watching!
This was actually filmed last summer. I came across a director on Facebook, he loved it and proceeded to shell out his own money to finance this. And I'm guessing it was somewhere in the thousands. All the actors were hired. He really went all out. I attended a table reading with all the actors in NYC (director rented a place), and that was kinda fun to have people sheepishly approaching me asking if they can read a certain line this way or that.
Dave, re your comments about the BBQ scene. When the script was first posted I had that scene and a few people told me to lose it. But the director loved it -- even had me write additional dialogue for it. He liked, as well as I, that a serious piece like this had a small amount of humor to it. Break up the tension momentarily. I try to do that.
Perhaps that scene would've worked better had another scene not been scrapped. There as a scene where Paul arose very early one morning to head to the bike shop to get some additional parts. However, the morning of the shoot, the guy playing the bike shop owner showed up late and still half in the bag from the previous nights. revelries. Asshole screwed it all up.
Anyway, there were a lot of other issues, but the one that stands out the most is that the lead actor (and the director, as well) played Paul, the father, wrong. They wanted Paul to be upset and grieving from the get go. I said no -- make it seem as though he's moved on, then when he breaks down later it will be revealed that he, indeed, was in need of being saved. Not just his wife. But my objections were dismissed, and in fact in was not really my project any longer, so...
But overall was fun and a nice little learning experience.
I don't think the bike shop scene would have added anything. He doing it up himself was enough, and already implies that he went out of his way. I think the new sticker at the end of that shot shows that he's gone all out. It actually occurred to me while watching that he'd gone out to get some stuff. That little sticker said it all, IMO.
I too thought that the bike could have done with being beaten up a little more. The scene with the party was a little long.
Sorry mate, but I agree with the director here, I feel it is best if the protag was grieving from the get go. I really felt for the guy. Again, well done.
Yeah - it must have been a blast to be involved in seeing your words come to life.
I think the Director had a point in wanting to show a derailment from the tension - but normalcy can serve that purpose is much is humor - the party was normal enough without the hi jinx
The bike shop scene would be interesting - but I concur with Dustin that you didn't need it - the sticker was perfect to imply all that happened.
Paul being stable from the beginning IMO would be an interesting version - not sure whick one I would prefer - I would have too see it
Thanks very much for posting. It should be noted that I never asked, Don just did it.
Steven,
My pleasure. As mentioned, if any script that has been on the site gets filmed, I'm more than happy to put up a link to it. Sometimes I miss them, so if anyone has a work up, let me know.
I had actually read the script for this as I remember the story. Was it posted originally under a different title?
There is a solid story underneath here. The themes of guilt, grief and the valiant attempts of those afflicted to try to overcome them is fertile ground to explore, especially since you use such an honourable gesture as the Dad fixing his dead son’s bike to give to his neighbour to convey that willingness to “move on”. It would take a lot of character to do something like that and seeing what transpires as a result is intriguing. It’s a beautiful notion really. Watching the range of emotions the neighbours and, in particular, the Mom go through when realising what her husband has done is poignant and deeply human. These themes are present in a lot of your scripts where a firm moral centre is ever present.
However I have to say, aside from the script, I really don't think the execution worked. Athletically and tonally this jarred for me throughout. To me, this is meant to be an earnest examination of loss and reconciliation but any gravitas is undermined by the way in which it’s portrayed on screen, i.e the direction. Obviously, I don’t know the behind the scenes circumstances so I can only assume the director had primary say over how the material should be treated.
Everything from the mood, pacing and performances (the Dad and Mom did decent work to be fair) didn't reflect what I saw on the page. Even on screen, the disconnect between the actual story and how it was being conveyed was deeply problematic. I mean, you are dealing with extremely weighty subject matter here, aside from the pain and regret there are signs of major psychologically trauma unaddressed which is all dealt with in a rather flippant manner, at least that was the impression I got. Yes, it’s nice to inject some levity where one can, usually a story can benefit from not taking itself too seriously but in this scenario, given what we know has happened, I would've preferred for it to be fully engaged with these issues in approach them in a genuine, head-on manner. In other words, be truthful, raw, put us in the world of this sorrow ridden father.
The biggest offender or all was the music which felt like it had been scored at random without any reference to what the script was about. Overbearing, distracting and almost whimsical in places, so ill-fitting from start to finish in my opinion.
Anyway, I’ll stop being a downer. Like I say, and I firmly believe this, the problems I have don’t stem from the script, there is a definitely a powerful and affecting film to be made from this material but for me, this isn't it.
Couldn't agree with you more. I don't remember you reading this, but I'm shot. What is portrayed in the script is exactly what attracted this director to it. In fairness, he was a first time director and I think things got out of hand for him at times during filming which led to it being a bit uneven.
However, the general tone of the piece, rather the story actually, came through. Like Dave said -- he shed a tear. I shed a tear. Kudos for the two leads for bringing the emotion of the story to the surface in spite of the other issues it had.
Pages: 1
Author
The Combination - Filmed
Logged
Stupid Tablet Syndrome - ha, very good, Col. But, no it isn't one of those actually. Sorry in advance for the rant but I try to stay away from over inflated priced products and companies employing child labour who are paid a pittance. Still, who am I kidding mine probably comes from the same type of factory right next door. 
Locked Board