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Seek (was The Strange Case) by Mark Renshaw writing as Balfour Stevenson - Short, Horror - A kidnapped women must unleash a dark, deranged side of her personality if she is to stand any chance of surviving. - pdf, format
I like the hide and seek aspect and the way it continually comes into play.
I'm a little lost as to what's happening though, on the first read.
SPOILERS:
I get the multiple personality thing, but I don't get the link between the rapist thing and the psychiatrist Office. Is the whole thing in his imagination?
While it treads some familiar territory...Identity, and The Ward, there's definitely an interesting story here with a little more clarity.
The logline isn't exactly inviting. Who wants to watch a brutal rape? I'd suggest changing it to something more intriguing once names are revealed.
Page 1. His sits....
Page 2. Intrigued. How did Alex switch place with the man in the straight jacket?
Page 3. Fetal...
Page 4. Is the man that calls him Dr. Freckle in the room or on the video? Might want to make this clear.
I didn't see a classic monster here, unless there's one I'm unaware of.
Parts of this intrigued me. I liked the Flashbacks with the constant counting, but I was also confused a lot. I think making this about multiple personalities is tricky when you have limited pages for the story.
The writing itself was fine and I had no issues with it. I was just confused a lot with the story.
It's an interesting story. Doesn't follow the guidelines though in my opinion. Where's the monster? Is it Dr. Freckles? Or the pack of children somehow stand for the monster in your story?
So Dr. Freckles is the raped woman, right? He's trying to free himself from the childhood abuse this way, I guess.
In my opinion it lacks ending. He's trying and trying and then what? Then nothing happens. It needs some kind of resolution. Maybe a twist. But something in the end I think.
The monster is Jekyll and Hyde. There is even a part in the script where it mentions that the HIDE personality comes out. There is also a clue in the pseudonym. Balfour Stevenson is Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson.
It can sometimes pay to Google the pseudonyms if you want a clue as to what will be inside before you open it.
My opinions are just that, and have been known to be wrong!
Picky bits:- 1) A few typos, needs a polish 2) The logline may put a few people off 3) I found it a little difficult to follow at times, may be just me
Good bits:- 1) Very visual 2) Interesting theme and premise
Rules Well it's got Hyde in it, not sure if he's a Universal classic but works for me
Overall this was well written, very dark and could be interesting if filmed.
While I didn’t understand what the monster was while reading it, after looking at the discussion board and thinking back there are some well-placed clues. Hyde and seek. That’s really clever. This was really well written and had me squirming in my seat. The pacing is very tight and I wasn’t bored at all! In all, this is one of my favorites.
A straight jacket's fabric tears because rubbing it at the corner of a desk? It's a movie so I buy it. Somehow it's still near the border – so better use a real sharp item. Easy fix.
Great image with the eye.
These switches are really intriguing to follow. In movies, I used to like it when they reproduce shots, changing characters/actors as in a case of the subject schizoid disorder.
If those switches could be delivered perfectly, with regards to format, readability, and the meaning would be a bit cleaner fleshed out too,
"There is an audible POP as one testicle explodes followed by his high-pitched scream!"
I think you missed the memo re: theme, it said 'Horror'... not 'Trauma' ... as in traumatize the reader.
Unbelievably graphic, I'll give you points for that, and quite a methodical approach towards MPD and buried alters.
This is a complex weave, a spell if you will, and I would imagine you needed someone to talk you down after you wrote this.
Overall, I liked what you did here, and dig the style. That being said, I've read this twice and still have not (completely) unravelled the enigma within...
Bit lost with this one. I liked the usage of Jekyll and Hyde (nifty title, btw), that was a refreshingly inventive choice. And there's strong imagery - page 6 definitely isn't for the faint-hearted - but overall it left me scratching my head.
Obviously the multiple personalities angle makes it more complicated to follow, but what actually happened in the script? Alex was both a doctor, and a man in a straight jacket, and then the woman being raped... what's real, and what isn't? It's not so much a twist as a corkscrew straight into confusion. Did the flashback happen? Why is Alex both a boy and a girl?
The sheer level of violence makes a sort of brute force impression, and it was all weirdly compelling, but I don't really have enough of a hold on what actually went down to form an opinion of whether the story was 'good' or 'bad'. Hopefully the writer will shed some light once their identity is revealed!
This was intense, surreal and fairly interesting. Somewhere around page 6 it becomes unfilmable, at least as written. A nice little turn the tables story, but I’m left to wonder why she didn’t unleash this before she was cuffed.
It’s certainly one of the more memorable entries, but I’m not quite sure it hangs together as I look back on it. What was the psychiatric angle suppose to represent? The switching of places? Is the moral of the story don’t rape a schizophrenic? Might have been an interesting angle to have Alex actually be an abused patient in an asylum. Maybe that’s even what you were going for, but it didn’t seem clear to me. I don’t mind the surreal aspect per se, but by the end it felt like something was missing; something that would make it all click together.
As others have said, a little confusing. I liked it though. A ballsy entry for sure and it really hooked me in. A few things I still don't quite get, but with more time, maybe you could clear a few of them up. Well written and pretty good for a weeks work. One of the better ones.