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A nice little tale. My problem comes at the end with rabbit killer. I don't like coincidence in stories. Yes, I know the radio announcer gave us the info that rabbit killer had escaped, but what are the chances of Guy meeting him in the woods? especially after Guy tried running down a rabbit and dropping his gun? Generally, hunters don't race through woods with a loaded weapon. Too many things can go wrong.
And I think you might get more mileage out of Rabbit Killer if he never says a word. He simply shoots. No need for anything more.
Guy keeps his eyes on the trail as he crawls excitedly back into the woods.
How does one 'crawl exitedly' ?
All his monologue while he's shooting the rabbits is pure exposition to get his back story across. In fact, the whole thing relies on that exposition. Doesn't work for me, sorry. Good luck with it!
Well written. Perhaps you can find a way to not say "guy" so often? Kinda awkward to read so much.can't say this worked for me, but still an interesting visualization.
Seems like a strange image to me, at least I've got trouble imagining this.
Imagine that you're excited. Now, imagine yourself crawling at the same time.
Maybe you're crawling toward a scantily clad beauty... or, a pool of water after almost dying of thirst in the desert. Just off the top of my head. Personally, I quite like the idea of the first one.
Imagine that you're excited. Now, imagine yourself crawling at the same time.
Maybe you're crawling toward a scantily clad beauty... or, a pool of water after almost dying of thirst in the desert. Just off the top of my head. Personally, I quite like the idea of the first one.
Well, the picture of exitedly crawling towards a scantily clad beauty gives me the association of a satire ... or a scat movie... or a black&white Charlie Chaplin film. I don't think the author had anything like that in mind.
If I think of a hunter in the forest, who tries to shoot a rabbit or two, I'd think he'd probably crawl intently or focused, I think of him stalking up on the rabbit, making a play for it. If he crawls exitedly, I get the image of a man trailing his tongue behind him over the forest floor which I find irritating.
Well, the picture of exitedly crawling towards a scantily clad beauty gives me the association of a satire ... or a scat movie... or a black&white Charlie Chaplin film. I don't think the author had anything like that in mind.
I didn't say that he did. I asked you to imagine yourself crawling toward a scantily clad beauty.
It seems that you cannot imagine different levels of excitement depending on context. Obviously being excited about one thing will look different to being excited about another. Yet you seem to think excitement only looks like something from a cartoon with a giant tongue hanging out and panting. Perhaps it's a culture thing.
In any event, the description the writer gave is perfectly fine. It is you at fault for not understanding it.
In any event, the description the writer gave is perfectly fine. It is you at fault for not understanding it.
That's fine, everybody should have their own opinion. You think a hunter 'exitedly crawling' is perfectly fine, I think it's as strange as a policeman exitedly pointing his gun at someone. Just doesn't reflect a realistic behaviour imo.
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Revenge Of The Rabbit Killer
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