The Precursor War by Lee Cordner - Action, Adventure, Fantasy - A warrior travels back in time to undo the past and destroy a powerful relic capable of creating and destroying entire civilizations. 146 pages - pdf, format

146 pages is too long for a spec. I suggest trimming it to under 120 pages.

But anyway I understand how difficult it is to write a sub 100 page fantasy script (written one myself). This is high fantasy too so props.

I like the dialogue so far and may continue reading though I'm not sure how to approach the naming of the animals. I feel like you should introduce them with a name first since it seems like they're important to the story and referred to by their names.

Read to page 20 and the story seems promising. Will definitely continue. But 146 pages though... is a real turnoff.

Thanks for uploading Don.

Chase,

Appreciate the read.  146 pages is quite a bit but the story I was trying to tell demanded a lengthy page count.  I'm not the sort of writer to restrict how many pages I can use, so I'll use as many as it needs, just my way of doing things.  I'll trim a few scenes here or there eventually, but I had to get this outta my system as it's been plaguing my mind for nearly a decade.  Consider this the first draft.

As this is the world builder for the other 5 scripts I plan on writing, I wanted to ensure I built the world to its fullest, so I could trim away the nonsense from the later scripts.  

The payoff is worth it though.  I assure you that much.  No page is worthless, I made sure of it.

A fantasy writer, eh?  Don't see a lot of those around, most people write thrillers for some reason, maybe 'cause they're easier to film than a CGI filled multi-million dollar blockbuster.

Anyway, if you do make it to the end, feel free to leave a link to a script of yours and I'll respond with a full read/summary of your own story.

Merry Christmas.

Quoted from Leegion A fantasy writer, eh?  Don't see a lot of those around, most people write thrillers for some reason, maybe 'cause they're easier to film than a CGI filled multi-million dollar blockbuster.

I just don't like fantasy. I grew out of it in my 20s.

Also, fantasy could be really easy and cheap to film. Likewise a thriller could be a CGI-filled blockbuster.

You write well enough already so you don't need any pointers from me. Good luck with this, it's just not my thing.

Okay so I finished the story and felt that you have spent a good amount of time constructing it. I truly did enjoy the story along with some of the characters to my surprise.  I initially thought the story would focus heavily on the time travel aspect but was content with how it played out. This lead me to my first couple of questions:

Where did the Orion from the world go when the time traveling Orion replaced him?

Can you elaborate on the explanation given on pg 97 about the time travel and Tevara having to save Lia and Giselle?  Was this explained previously? I've read it over and over and couldn't follow.

I was actually was surprised with the dialogue at some points. Especially scenes with Dormak, who ended being my favorite character because of how he presented himself. I think more of him would make things interesting. I didn't like how he ended up being taken over by Erenius who was a "meh" antagonist to me.

I understand that you have to go through the motions for a Hollywood script but I feel that the story was dare I say. . . generic? It just ended the way I expected.

Cass was a character that I liked but felt that he was pointless to the story. I guess he served in Varlden's character development? I wish he was more crucial to the plot. (I understand that this is part 1 of 6 so I'm sure he plays a big role later)

Wesirt had a good introduction.  I felt he was a very powerful wizard but became disappointed when he struggled with battling the demons alongside Arndas and eventually dies.

Orion seemed fine as a main character. His death in the end didn't effect me as much but an actor can always add flavor to the role which would make me care more. I kept picturing him as Chris Hemsworth.

There were a lot of characters and you did a good job distinguishing them but if someone is watching this movie, I feel they wouldn't be able to keep track of all the character names. You should refrain from characters referring to each other by just their names. (I could keep track because the names are above the dialogue)

The whole time travel aspect brings up one question: Since he went back in time and changed the future, was it all one in timeline or is it a different branched timeline (parallel universe)? I know Wesirt stated that he was from a different age.

Again, I did enjoy this story but try to keep the next one under 120 pages. This way you'll get more reads. The biggest thing on my mind after is why did you decide to write this as a script?

I ask that because it seems like you have a lot more to show (part 1 of 6) and a novel would be a superior outlet. I only say this because of you comment about not limiting yourself to page length although writing spec scripts involves this very thing.

I would much rather see this produced other than that terrible novel adaption "Seventh Son". I thought this story to be a mix between Eragon and Lord of the rings.(Not sure if you've seen the former)

Take everything I say with a grain of salt as I'm an amateur myself.

My script, Adventure Frontier, is linked below if you wanna take a look. (Don't mind the typos)

Good luck with this and other projects.