SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 2:45am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Floor is Lava Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 13 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Floor is Lava  (currently 2354 views)
Don
Posted: February 14th, 2016, 9:24am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Floor is Lava by Joshua Sommersby - Short, Black Comedy - Three actors must act their way to a safe place when the floor of the room they're in turns into make-belief lava. 12 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Pale Yellow
Posted: February 14th, 2016, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
2083
Posts Per Day
1.40
Oh nice job. I really like this. One thing that is cumbersome is reading the #1, #2, #3 character names...and I think even the writer got confused because it's Actor #3 that dies first but then he's suddenly in Actor #2's place... other than that, this script was really cool. I would have liked to see something more at the ending..some sort of twist.... like they weren't really dead or something. Maybe they give Actor #1 the part because he really overcame the obstacles with his reactions...but he quits after being put through the shit!

Really nice job that kept me reading here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
RichardR
Posted: February 15th, 2016, 9:56am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.26
Joshua,

some notes.

A good job of blocking out an action sequence.  It shows imagination.  That's all make believe works too as you show the set being used.

My problem comes with the lava.  Lave comes in anywhere from 1200 to 2200 degrees F.  At that temp, the wooden chairs and table and couch would go up immediately.  Everything would be on fire.  Worse, since it's molten rock, it would spew all kinds of gases which would combine with the gases of the couch and walls, etc.  The environment would turn toxic in a heartbeat.  

Of course, you can probably count on the audience not knowing that.

So, I like the job you've done, although the ending is a a bit predictable.  And there really isn't much of a story because there's little conflict between the actors.  And at 2000 degrees, oven mitts would probably be a waste of time.  

best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
JoshuaS
Posted: February 23rd, 2016, 3:11am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Pale Yellow,

Many thanks for reading, and many many thanks for making the mental effort to compensate for my mistake and read it to the end!

There's a new version here that has the correct cue-lines:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3FgBYschJXbSGZtb0hwdVdaelE/view?usp=sharing

RichardR,

thank you for reading as well. The lava floor is, as you noticed, very inaccurately displayed. "The floor is lava" is actually the name of a children's game, and in that game chairs and sofas and such can be considered made of non-flammable materials. I had considered making the lava more true to life as well, since the story is an extreme version of the children's game, but I felt that making it more scientifically accurate might distract from the characters and make an already fairly challenging short even more complicated to produce.

As far as the ending goes. There could be a lot of different endings. I chose for a deadpan, play-it-straight-until-fade-out version, but I can easily see how someone might prefer a version that falls back on it all happening on a set, maybe something like the second actor calling out a foul because of the oven mitts, and the first actor saying something like "Nuh uh, they're fireproof. It says so on the label. And besides you're dead! You can't talk." and then the director cutting in to arbitrate on a childish argument, taking everything back to the initial sound studio framing device and the children's game premise.

And as far as the ending goes, it might be worth mentioning that "The Floor is Lava" is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license, which means that if you don't like the ending, you can simply change it and produce your own version instead. You don't need my permission to do that,or even let me know you did it.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006