Hi Victoria
I found this difficult to read. Some format issues (all dialogue was centre-aligned). Download a free scriptwriting program like Celtx or RawScripts, that problem is solved.
Names should only be in capitals when first mentioned.
The labourously long action paragraphs and dialogue makes it a chore for the reader. There is probably a decent story here but I can't do much more than skim.
Keep reading scripts, heaps of them... and keep writing.
Cheers
Chris
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