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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Her End Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 19th, 2016, 5:57pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Her End by Chris Keaton - Short, Drama - A survivor chooses to taken her life into her own hands.  1 page - pdf, format


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Nomad
Posted: March 19th, 2016, 8:23pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting.

This reminds me of a certain "poetic" site I used to visit before it's unfortunate passing.  I do miss those 1 pagers.

::SPOILERS::

As I go:

  • I find it difficult to believe a woman as strong as this would resort to suicide even though she has some food left.  The jerky didn't work for me.
  • What was with the "bundle"?  Was that her jacket?  It wasn't clear.


This was an interesting tale of the final moments of a lost pioneer.  Thank you.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
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MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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RichardR
Posted: March 21st, 2016, 8:04am Report to Moderator
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Chris,

Some notes.

This plays off a well-known true story, and it works for what it is.  The question is whether or not she would choose this ending.  I can’t see it, myself.  Doesn’t fit the character from what I know about her.  But that’s me.

The writing is clean.  I don’t have any problems.  

Best
Richard
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cbead
Posted: March 21st, 2016, 10:30am Report to Moderator
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Hi Chris,

A sharp one pager, well described and a satisfying conclusion (for the film, not for Amelia).

Like the others I find it hard to believe the subject would have resorted to suicide. Perhaps add gangreneous leg or some other slow, but mortal wound and I think I could better accept her decision.

This is a quality piece. Well done.


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Pleb
Posted: March 22nd, 2016, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Chris,

Lovely, poignant little piece.

The only question I'd like to ask is is it really necessary for it to be someone we'd know?

I've read it twice now. And the first time was on my tiny phone screen and I actually missed the full name at the end, so just thought the character's name was simply Amelia. Which, funnily enough, worked better for me. As on the second read, I thought the same thing as the other guys in that it felt less believable. Whereas I'd previously assumed it was a woman, who for whatever reason, chooses to empower herself by taking her own life, rather than be consumed by something she perhaps felt she had no control over. Like cancer, or mental illness etc.

Still, cracking job on it.


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