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ELDAVE1 - Thanks for being honest. After reading your comment, I went back and read the script again. I, also, found it to be dull. Maybe, I rushed posting this one.
Hi Daniel, An interesting short piece. I know they say less is more when script writing but I think this could use a bit more character development or at least a bit more of a back story. The writing is good, but like Dave I struggled to hit on the comedic tone... A couple of mildly amusing moments. I think you could draw out Stephens awkwardness and shyness a bit more and turn that around in the bedroom... Perhaps a sexual position gone wrong, which then surprisingly, goes right... I didn't really see Stephen doing much in the bedroom montage to suggest to Amy that it was the best sex she's ever had. My $0.02 worth only. Best wishes Chris
I figured, in the beginning, I'd show two people that have nothing in common, but, in the end, he's a coward that needs motivation through force and she's into that. Opposites attract. She makes him feel loved. He makes her feel needed.
I showed this screenplay to a couple of friends, because I wasn't sure if it was funny or just funny to me. They told me it was funny.... I'm thankful for this discussion board. Now, I know this needs a lot of work.
You give us a couple of pretty good characters who become banal in the end. While you make a big deal of the white, it doesn't come into play much. Amy doesn't much try to be a nun. While you have the props for some comedy, they're not used. If we're going to pay for the white and crosses, give us something funny about them.
ELDAVE1 - Thanks for being honest. After reading your comment, I went back and read the script again. I, also, found it to be dull. Maybe, I rushed posting this one.
Not a problem, mate. The good news is that you have general style/format down.