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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Triumph of Time Moderators: bert
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  Author    Triumph of Time  (currently 1110 views)
Don
Posted: March 31st, 2016, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Triumph of Time - Chapter 1 by Ortal Sasson - Short, Sci Fi - A young billionaire gets introduced to a service called T.P.S. Technology of messages beyond time. His massage from the future tests his love for his wife. Regret is the greatest loss. 12 pages - pdf, format


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 31st, 2016, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
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Ortal, sorry couldnt read this as the formatting is so far off standard... If you want people to read this and provide feedback it is worth fixing the formatting.

Id start with the software you are using, maybe consider Writer Duet or Celtx and then look at how scripts are formatted, theres plenty of examples on this site and others.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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RichardR
Posted: April 1st, 2016, 9:02am Report to Moderator
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Ortal,

Some notes.

I had a very hard time getting through this.  Lots of formatting issues as well as mangled English.  I don't think English is your first language.  The story idea seems sound--messages from the future.  However, the implementation doesn't work for me.  It's pretty standard fare.

I suggest you find a good editor or mentor who can help you with the script's deficiencies.  I also recommend you read many, many scripts in order to get a feel of good dialogue and story structure.

Best
Richard
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eldave1
Posted: April 2nd, 2016, 11:02am Report to Moderator
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Ortal - I'll echo the comments above - I was interested in the premise - it was just too hard to get through format wise.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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