SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 18th, 2024, 9:41pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  The Shadow Demon Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Shadow Demon  (currently 1508 views)
Don
Posted: April 9th, 2016, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Shadow Demon by Donald E. Marx - Horror - When a father and daughter begin experiencing paranormal activity in their new house, they put together a team to investigate. When the shadows come alive, they get more than expected in a night of desperation and terror. Maybe ghost hunting is best left to the professionals.  105 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Busy Little Bee
Posted: April 16th, 2016, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Los Angeles
Posts
324
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hey, Donald

First, as always I like to say congrats to those who are able shell out features. So, congrats. My first  impressions... the premise seems as though that should be one sentence. I know it may not seem like much but a premise can be a tell-tell sign in how the writing is.

Whenever I open a script, I literally scroll just to see what leaps out. Right away I noticed a ton of dialogue compared to descriptive narrative, which could be sign that most of the plot is carried in the dialogue, a lot of exposition. Just to be sure, I did read a few pages and this seems to be the case, at least in the beginning. Also...


Quoted Text
INT. BRYCE’S ROOM
BRYCE and RANCE are in Bryce’s room on the computer checking
out local haunted houses


Why after the SLUGLINE do you tell us they are in the room. I just don't want people to be turned off before you got a chance to get into a story I'm sure you want to share. I did like the "lumberjack line."

BLB


Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006