Captain PC by T. Warning - Short, Comedy - Four people trying to answer a PC question are visited by Captain PC who never makes a mistake. 6 pages - pdf, format

Hmm, this one didn't grab me either. Don't know what 'Captain PC' has to do with transgender questions. And the central joke is quite flat. Was obvious Sunday would fall. The action lines are too playful at times, imo. The whole thing about what they are baking and eating on the first few pages doesn't belong to the story and got me bored quickly. Sorry.

The story met the challenge just didn't hit my funny bone.

What would have made it funnier? How about Capt PC as a Peter Pan styled hero? Possibly have one of the friends be trans gender? The setting was  so PC I thought it might be Capt PC's Fortress of Solitude

Might have added an edge.  

T. Warning,

This one didn't do a lot for me. The woman/transgender rape conversation was a little odd, the characters were flat and the ending (Sunday flying) didn't pack a punch you obviously wanted it to. The idea of Captain PC is a good one, could have been used better though.

Good luck,

Glenn.

First one for me. Not a good start.

I can't tell if the first half with all the food/wine/farming talk is supposed to be funny or not. It seems like you're relying on the sheer fact that they're vegans for laughs and not actually crafting jokes around them. I wondered if maybe the kale and orange cupcakes were made-up, but I looked them up, and indeed they're real. The "sugar is the new beef" line was clearly a joke, but it didn't land.

Captain PC was weak. He didn't even really answer the rape question. They could've been talking about anything so long as the trans angle was part of it and they would've received the same answer. Also I guess it's supposed to be a given that women aren't violent/can't rape?

The biggest issue here is that the whole PC angle is loaded with possibilities for comedy. Obviously South Park did it brilliantly. The central gag here is completely one note and simplistic to the point that you barely even broach the topic of PC culture at all, which is a shame. In that sense, I wonder if the vegans weren't a distraction from the topic. Are all vegans supposed to be PC or something?

A wasted opportunity. This could've been much, MUCH better.

Okay, well, I liked this one. Trendy people doing trendy things and being completely obnoxious. Yes, I knew what was going to happen to Sunday when she headed to the edge of the roof. But I really liked the idea of PC (Captain PC) being completely idiotic in his beliefs.

I thought this was a really nice job. Nicely sardonic.

Format, structure wise et al - pretty sound.

It took too long to get rolling for me. The set up to Captain PC could be shortened.

Not sure the Trans and only men can rape angles works - I think if the premise is more comedic what flows afterwards would be more comedic.  

There's was only 6 pages and i was waiting for some comedy, it didn't come.

Discussions about rape and transgender doesn't tickle my funny bone... ah well

good job on entering

Hmmm... so overuse of the word trendy and repetition of the slug in the action line, not a great start, lets see if it improves...

An Asian character called Jade... could be a joke I guess.

The rape discussion didn;t strike me as funny, but Captain PCs appearance did, I can visualise him and I'm smiling.

The conversation with Captain PC is where it got going for me and a couple of lines made me laugh.

Last couple of pages are decent.

I Liked the title and idea

At first it was a bit heavy and unfunny, but it turned it around.

The shallowness of being PC is a nice undercurrent - could have been more.

For six page sit needed to Be quicker and snappier but it's a good idea, no I liked it...at the end.

Not even close to being a comedy, I'm afraid. Good clean writing but more suited to an esoteric challenge than a chucklefest.

0 laughs out of 10

Writer,

Nice try but in the end it just didn't work for me. Nothing really that got me laughing, although there was a lot of funny stuff you could have explored in a conversation about transgenderism. A missed opportunity maybe. Nice read though.

Steve

Hmm. I think there was a hint of a metaphor in there at the end besides all the PC stuff, but it got past me. The writing is good quality, so I know the writer has some skill to show, but the humor was too subdued here for me to feel like this was a comedy. It was more of a Sunday wine and cheese event at the country club where the talk is all prim and proper.  No real laughs for me to speak of.  Still, good effort on the writing itself. Just need more of a humorish punch from my perspective.

Verdict:  Pass

Best,
Gary

Sorry, this didn't work for me either.  It isn't funny.  The dialog isn't interesting.  The subject matter isn't interesting.  

Captain PC was funny.  That was it.  But, SPOILERS

the death nullified him being funny.

It just didn't work...

Sorry
Dan

Best thing about it was it looked clean.  Other than that, the attempts at comedy landed sort of like Sunday on the sidewalk.  Maybe if Captain PC showed up at a Trump rally and his head exploded...