The Exposer by 0 - Short, Comedy, Sci Fi - The struggles of a young couple make them question just how hard it is to differ between a hero and a villain. 6 pages - pdf, format

Good writing and an original concept. A couple of reasonably funny lines in there as well.

The ending fizzed a bit, but hey, it's six pages so I expect that from most of us.

Good job

Yes, the script met the challenge but it didn't hit my funny bone.

The concept was good, nice use of a single setting and the story was clear.  A more interesting discovery of his power would be edgier than his drone-like behavior. I would expect him to hoot and holler "Babe, you gotta see this!" Have him try his power on someone he despises or really likes (as you implied).

Avoid the use of TV news as exposition, it's a real buzz kill especially when it's a page long.

Clean. Well executed. Nice idea. didn't give me a chuckle.

Well written for the most part other than the TV scene - the story got stuck in the gears a bit for me there - but that be a function of a limited page count.

Quite liked the super power presented.

I thought there were some missed opportunities for humor.  Rather than internet trolls who none of us know - it may have been funnier to include ridiculous statements or acts from people we know. Something akin to:

Donald Rumsfeld - there are known knowns...

Superhero - that was me.

Next - Donald Trump or Kanye West of whoever the author would deem mock worthy would have more opportunity for humor then the non-descript folks here.

Pretty good effort overall.

Overall it's pretty good.

It does read as a sketch though. Or skit - whatever they call them. The idea is original but you didn't go far with it.
But it does read funny. And as a sketch/skit (?) works very well.

This was the best one, so far.  It was funny at points.  

I didn't find it THAT funny, and the ending wasn't that funny.  You kinda need a big payoff.  

But, the story was solid.  The writing was solid.  It was a good story.  Just not that funny.

7.5/10

0,

An interesting concept, no doubt and funny, in a way, that these people only wanted to use this power for the most trivial of reasons. But this seemed a little flat to me. It needed a little bit more. Tough to do in six pages, I know. I wouldn't say it wasn't funny, but not something that's amuse me too much.

Best of luck.

Glenn.

Liked what he was using the superpower for!

There's a couple of slugs that you don't really need in here as they aren't new scenes. Well written other than that.

But it didn't really make me laugh, though Kren's reaction raised a smile.

Reasonable effort

Clean, reads well. On page 6, three dialogues start with "well" which reads a bit funny. Also, a tiny niggle, I think it's "sheikh" rather than "sheik" in the middle eastern context.

Really liked the news reader's opening salvo, especially the imagery about Pitbull and his doggy counterpart.  The thing about the sheikh's and their busses had me going too, pretty good effort

Cool idea, but not sure it works as a standalone short.  I actually really liked the idea of a guy who uses his power to expose the "haters."  Once it became a full blown "I can control peoples' minds" admission, i was a tad disappointed.  "Controlling the haters" is a really stupid and limited power to have, but there's something really different and new about it that made me was to see more.

Imagine having a power that can be used for good, but it extremely limited to the point you can only make people backtrack and apologize for the bullshit they say on the internet...

either way, it was solid enough, just felt like a scene that would take place on page 22 of a screenplay moreso than a one off short.

This could have worked so much better. The concept was good but the delivery wasn't great.
The end with the girlfriend getting her own back just seemed rushed.
Not many laughs.
Overall the writing was good.

Good job on entering

Yep, neat little story but zero comedy!

0 laughs out of 10

I see the potential in it, but the laugh fator wasn't strong, sorry. But well written nontheless.

Decent concept, but didn't even scratch the surface of its comic potential.  Instead of random idiots on the internet, he should have gone after people who personally did him wrong.  If he was one of these poor bastards who had been nationally humiliated with a meme a la Crying Jordan, you could have really had fun with it.  Also, a hint of how he actually got these powers would have helped the story.