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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Googleman - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:07am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Googleman by 0 - Short, Comedy - To cut down on budget costs of superhero movies, a studio creates a star with real life superhuman abilities. 6 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Equinox
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 1:42pm Report to Moderator
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Good idea but sadly executed as a V.O.-whore. I'd like to visualize a story, not see a character who tells me what's going on. Quite some lengthy dialog doesn't help either. I like the idea and I'm sure with some more effort and a few more pages this could become a short which would be fun to watch.

The logline got me interested, having NORTH WEST tell us the logline as V.O. on the first pages made me lose interest.


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Dreamscale
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting concept.  Decent writing.  Some funny lines and gags.

Too much V.O. and too little visuals bring this down to what I'll call a decent effort that could have been handled better.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:49pm Report to Moderator
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LOL! AT LAST I AM LAUGHING!  Great concept and was handled well. Good stuff

8 laughs out of 10!


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Lightfoot
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:06pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this one, the Michael Bay jokes were decent, I liked the storyboard one the most, writing is good and the V.O's didn't bother me as much as it did others.
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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 6:49pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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This was great, laughed at Michael Bay and all his explosions.
The script flowed very easily and was a lot of fun to read.

Great job on entering


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cbead
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
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Good effort.  Some cleverly witty lines in there.

Like others I felt the VO was a turn off, but it is 6 pages and hard to develop the characters by action alone so forgivable for this challenge.  Dr Bing as the villain,  nice.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:18pm Report to Moderator
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Up until the very end, I really enjoyed this one. A little bit of satire, it didn't really have to be Michael Bay, but he's somewhat spoofed so it wsn't too bad. I'll even excuse the timeline- as there could be new search engines by 2037. But in any case, right up until North kicking Bay in the nads, this piece was fairly amusing and might just get an early vote for me as being one of the better entries.

good job.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
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Ryan1
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:45pm Report to Moderator
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I'll go out on a limb and say the writer is not a Michael Bay fan, lmao.   I really liked the concept for this one, and it started out great.  But it seemed to lose its way once the Bay interview started.  Bay took over the story and Googleman disappeared.  Too much talking and not enough action.  I was hoping the ending would send the story soaring again, but it fizzled, IMO.  Solid effort, just needs some reworking.
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DanC
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:46am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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It was funny.  It was kinda original.  I can (sadly) see something like this.  Anyone remember the movie "Death Becomes her." that used computers instead of actresses and only a few lent their voices?  It could happen...

The end was weak.  Too much Bay hate.  Sacrificed the funny in the story...

7/10


Please read my scripts:
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I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:09am Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this. A 72 year old Michael Bay, Marvel creating a real superhero to save money, Googleman, Doctor Bing – there’s a lot of creativity gone into this and some genuine laughs. The ending felt rushed but I’m sure that’s simply due to the 6 page limit.

Great job!

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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grademan
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 6:15am Report to Moderator
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I liked the part where the reporter first met Gman and its sense of wonder. The story started on the reporter and ended with the reporter. Fine, but I would have liked to see what the story could have been if it had been about Gman instead Michael Bay's sack whack.
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Cam Gray
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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Lol, great hatchet job on Mr Bay...my only concern is that North West turns out to be the most sensible person in the piece, given his parentals that's a tough one to believe.

Anyway, some good laughs. It kinda gets lost a bit in all the Bay hating, but that's not necessarily such a bad thing! Nice job
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khamanna
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:55am Report to Moderator
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I thought it,s missing an ending. Nice short otherwise, kept me curious till the very end. Great job.
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eldave1
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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First - just a killer premise. I think it could be a feature.

I had several laughs. There is some funny stuff here.

The ending was a bit rushed and unrewarding - a victim of six pages I suspect.

Really enjoyed the read - one of my favs


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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